rainbow_connection

2009-04-15T10:52:00.001+10:00

2009 ENTRY 01

2009-02-16T13:46:00.001+11:00

Time flies and I've been back in Sydney for slightly more than a week. I came back just in time to attend my college's High Achievers Assembly for those who graduated in 2008. I saw my name craved on the board of the hall with my Intercultural Understanding Prefect status, it was hard not for me to smile deep down inside me. And yeah, we (about 8 of the 16 invited turned up) had to sit on stage. I'm quite used to standing up on stage and saying my speech as a prefect, but sitting on stage was really weird. It was great to see my friends again... some changed (like hair cut etc.) and some still looked the same.

Here's a photo... I have no idea why I look so weird (my smile was hilarious.)

12 Feb was when I started my first Jap class which would cont'd for another 15 weeks whereby I'll be having Jap classes every Thursday night from 7pm to 9pm. The first lesson was rather overwhelming and I seriously hope I'll get the hang of it soon. xLoLx. Before Jap class, our clique went for lunch together before Pamela and Jia Yun went house hunting and Ika, Deirdre and I just walked around the city area...

It was great to catch up wif friends and good times spend together are always the most precious. I love my family and friends and thank God for giving them to me because I always have friends to rely on whenever I need them. Happy BELATED vday to everyone... including those with lovers and those single like me. I spent my vday watching dramas and they are always my best company... hehe... drama rocks!~

2009-02-02T19:43:00.000+11:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Being Alone While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.
Losing Someone
Disappointment
Looked down on
Where Your life is Going
Death
Commitment
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

2008-11-11T00:23:00.002+11:00

我最近眼泪多了。。。
上星期就考完试了，或许就是那无所事事的日子让我想太多了。。。
我好想好想可以赶快回新加坡。。。有我家人的关怀，有我朋友的陪伴。。。
我不想再转牛角尖了。。。
我。。。
到底是什么？
我。。。
为什么存在？
我。。。
会变成什么？
我不是钻石，我不是泥土，我是一个毫不起眼的陶瓷。。。
不管怎么样，都不会发光发热。
人类实在是很矛盾的。
我很想回新加坡，但是我更担心新加坡的家人和朋友没有时间见我。
我想做一只鸟，一只自由自在飞翔的小鸟，想到那就到哪。

主啊，我请您让我快快乐乐的，这样我在能把我的欢乐分散给其他人。阿门。

I think it is quite true

2008-10-26T10:15:00.000+11:00

Name: Sabrina
Date: 10/25/2008
Colorgenics Number: 61327540

Enough is enough - and you feel that you've had enough for a while. You don't need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout 'stop' and experience a little peace and calm - even if it be only for a little while. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world - it just means that you are seeking some respite, some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict.

You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.

Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation butyou are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.

You are feeling full of uncertainty and worrying over what you consider as missed opportunities. This is causing considerable stress and tension. You feel that there must be more to life than the constant pressures and anxieties - that surely life must hold far more opportunities than that which it has to date presented to you. You sincerely believe that there must be a simpler way to tap life's hidden recourses and should you be able to find that way - you could achieve your hearts desire. It's the not knowing 'how' that is affording you the constant worry. You are constantly probing and seeking - trying to ensure that at all times you are on your guard against missing any opportunity. 'Enough is enough'. You are anxious to avoid further setbacks. You are strenuously trying to make sure that you will not be overlooked and you badly need security.

There is an inherent fear that you may be prevented from achieving the things you want. This activates your subconscious desire for peace of mind and mental security. It is increasingly obvious to you that the environment that you are in is not conducive to your well-being and so you are seeking fresh fields - somewhere free of conflict where you can RELAX and THINK.

http://www.goldinuniverse.com

what an experience!

2008-10-11T00:48:00.002+11:00

I know I said I was not going to blog until my exams were over but I really have to...

I had Maths tuition from about 5 -9pm tonight... then I had some dinner and decided to chuck the garbage in the garbage room... Usually I'll unlock the door and I'll still be able to get back into the apartment without the key, but tonight my mum went out and she locked the top one as well, therefore I was unable to return to the apartment...

I decided to go knock on some doors of my neighbours (I am not a neighbour person but well) and finally this door opened and a guy was waiting for his friend at the lift. So I gathered my courage and asked if I could borrow his phone to call my mum, neither did I expect my mum to have turned off her phone. His friend came and they offered me to go to their place but I rejected at first. I sat outside my apartment and was hoping that my mum would return home soon. Meanwhile I managed to remove nail polish off two of my fingers which I was meant to have done much earlier... lol... then their door opened again, they were expecting another friend... this time I asked if I could text my mum and they persuaded me to enter their house... Weird though I did not feel fear or anything... I was rather relaxed... I guess that is what is the case wif Aussies, they are friendly, really friendly, mind you, three of which were asians... (Oh there was 4 people in total, 2 couples)..

They introduced themselves to me but I only really got the name of this girl, she kept chatting wif me and making feel comfortable... Her name was Mel, from Thailand, she's nineteen and she's doing her foundation year at Taylor's College and she would probably go to University of Sydney which is where my first choice is. She offered me lemonade and stayed wif me the whole time before I managed to get back into my place. The asian guy was called Jake I think... he smokes, but he is alright, he lent me his phones... The only aussie guy was named Kair or smthing like that... he's a Chef, he showed us his video when he went sky-diving... He had a girlfriend back then when he was 22 who was a Japanese, and now his current girlfriend is a Korean... very friendly man... His girlfriend I think just came back from Melbourne because she had a luggage when she stepped into the house and Mel really wants to go to Melbourne. The asian guy went to bed first... then the aussie-korean couple went in too.

Mel stayed with me and we watched SAW... a pretty gross movie but well not too bad, rather interesting plot line with this Jigsaw guy attempting to 'play' with people's lives... Well Mel is planning to do psychology after her foundation (I think she is nearly done with it)... She has been here for one month and I think she dated the Jake guy for nine months if I didn't hear wrongly.

Then finally my mum rang the phone at 12am... It turned out that she didn't bring the phone out and she was home at 10.45pm... could tell she was freaking out when she couldn't find me the whole time... But well I got home after all... Next time I will never leave my house again without my keys, but if not for this experience I would not have been able to know this bunch of people, friendly and outgoing... now I have neighbours too!!!

Guess I am going to the library bright early tomorrow morning cos mum is having friends over from Malaysia and I decided to go to the library earlier to get some studying done... Let's be honest here, I have done NO studying this hols despite the fact that we had physics study group... we mainly hang around studying of course, but none of which did actually get into my brain... So I should seriously start before it really gets too late... This time next week I would be done with my first HSC paper... how scary...

I am going to prepare for tomorrow and set off to bed... Really need a good night rest from today.

Dear Lord, I thank you for giving me such cool neighbours... can't really blame you for forgetting my keys yeah? LOL that's what it meant by 'your other plans' for me I guess. I thank God that I have a Mom who worries about me when she couldn't find me at home and Lord I really pray that you grant me concentration and strength and I know that you're with me always as I go through the last major exams of my high school. Thank you oh Lord. Amen.

COUNTDOWN TO FUN AND FREEDOM

2008-10-08T16:56:00.001+11:00

REFLECTION AND DECLARATION

2008-09-26T22:41:00.003+10:00

My high school life is officially OVER!

NO more 8.30am, No more wearing uniforms into classes, Almost nothing of high school is left except studying for my HSC and then I'll be really really done with high school. After studying in a 'school' ambience for nearly 12 years, that's it. It is so unbelievable. The whole week of GRADUATION CELEBRATION concluded my schooling life. Everything ended with the most anticipated event of the year : Our Year 12 Formal. I don't really like to put pictures of myself, but here are a few that I've taken and I quite like it.

Even though I am fat and ugly, I really really like my hair. A lot of people have always been telling me how pretty my nice straight long hair is, but I personally really like this style I had for the FORMAL... some curls are not that bad as well. It took me one day to actually bear to take it off... there was like 26 pins in all... I AM FULLY OBSESSED with my hair!!!

Anyway I am here to reflect too...

Now that my high school life is over, I've to concentrate on studying for my exams. I am here to declare that I'll not BLOG until 6th Nov which is my last day of HSC. I must not procrastinate anymore!!! I am already fat, ugly and stupid, I can't continue to be like that!

I am going to study really really hard and give it my best shot for now.

Dear Lord I thank you for giving me the opportunity to attend school. All I ask for now is that you grant me and my friends good health and discipline so that we'll all be able to sit through this major exam of ours. I am really thankful that I've teachers, friends and a school to go to. Bless them Oh Lord. Amen.

施比受更有福

2008-09-16T18:50:00.002+10:00

Today I went for my last excursion during high school to Martin Place in the city. We attended the "Refugee Camp in your city" program which was organised by Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF). They are a group of volunteers who work in developing countries which are disadvantaged by their access to medical aids. There were tour guides to bring us around the "refugee camp" to help us better understand the conditions of the refugees and some of the work that they do including providing vaccines etc. Below is a picture of the Social Justice group that attended this tour and the guy speaking is a doctor himself. This picture was taken when he introduced to us the water system around refugee camps. On average, each Australian uses 282 litres of water per day and yet they have to carry the 10 litres that they use daily by hand from the water tap as shown below to where they live. They often had to walk for miles.

The following picture shows the "toilet". Rather unbelieveable but it also made me realise that I've been so lucky.

I've been living in a world where everything that I have seems apparent. However when we went around the tour through the refugee grounds, I realised that I've been very very wrong. I know for sure that there are people whose lives are hundred over times harder than ours but "seeing" it is such a different experience.

My ambition from quite long time ago which is eccentuated by today's excursion is to be a doctor and that one day, I'll be part of some form of voluntary groups like this to help out the people out there. I removed my S.H.E poster and replaced it with the MSF poster... I really like the phrase "doctors without borders". Many people had discouraged me upon being a doctor because no matter how they look at me, they believe that I don't look suitable to be a doctor whether it is my wits or my appearance. I don't know myself, I just keep telling myself that there are so many people out there waiting for me to help, and I can't just sit here and do nothing. Therefore, regardless of how much they try to discourage me, they are not going to succeed. I obviously know that being a doctor is not easy. But well, there are many things in life which are unpredictable...

I felt that life is so fragile... and yet there are so many people out there worrying about girlfriend/boyfriend relationship; troubling over unnecessary matters etc. I just wanna tell everyone out there:

"It isn't fair that they have to suffer while we get the luxury of comfort. If we don't start treasuring everything around us, there wouldn't be much opportunity in which we can do so. We can't possibly live as if we've got tomorrow because accidents do happen whether you like it or not. Stop worrying about trivial matters and start loving the world you live in and be thankful!"

Dear Lord I pray that you'll be able to bless me as I enter a new stage of my life soon and that you'll help me to accomplish the mission you've sent me for. Amen.

Decided to be non-didactic

2008-09-06T19:15:00.004+10:00

I realised that my previous few posts had been rather depressing and didactic.

I decided to be a little more casual today.

Life seems to get better not in the sense that we're coming to the end of our school life. The past few UNI open days that I've been to seems to frequently remind me that, "Hey, you're going to be a Uni student in not time."

The word "UNIVERSITY" used to seem so far away from me esp. when I was back in Primary school etc. I knew that somehow I had to get into UNI (which is one of the reason why I decided to head to Australia) but I couldn't believe that I am now so close to being a UNI student. This time next year, I'll probably be here complaining about having to complete assignments for UNI I guess. Well I guess life does move on. We had to sent our baby photos to the girls who are organising our Graduation ceremony and looking at my baby photo and comparing it to the BIG FAT me now really made me wonder how could I have been that small.

Oh, what I meant by my life seems to get better before is such that the relationship between my friends and I am getting better. It is quite unbelievable that we had a huge fight and was on cold war and everything at the beginning of the year. I believe that everyone has this really different side of them that if we come to discover, we would like them even more. Take for example, my friend C ... She was suffering from depression a while ago and we are pretty sure she is still rather depressed now. She was depressed to the extent that she even wants to commit suicide and the way she can easily speak about death kindaff shocks me.

I've not been out shopping for a while... and I went with D today to Eastgardens because we both had to switch buses there and since it had been raining heavily since morning (and even until now), we decided to avoid waiting for the bus in the cold and so we went shopping for like an hour. It is weird how when we were fighting that she had actually said that I was such a scary person and now the both of us are able to go shopping together and have our laughs. First she went to get hot chocolate (duh of course it was because the weather was so cold) and then we went to Big W to get photo albums. I was gonna use the photo albums to make a memory book for the four of them. I guess even though they all hate high school, we don't hate each other at all.

Truely to speak, our whole clique have had arguments with each other before. But I am so thankful that as we're approaching the end of our school life, our relationship have been salvaged. I really really treasure it.

Then after which D and I went shopping for cosmetics cos she wanted to get eye shadow... I actually like purple & silver ones... Testing the cosmetics is just so ... lol... I never realised that shopping was such fun!!! Our last stop was THE BODY SHOP... this is the first time that I realised that there was THE BODY SHOP in Sydney... How stupid right? I went to try on the lotion and perfume like I usually do in Singapore and it just felt as though I was back in Singapore ( + D is a Singaporean >_<) I seriously can't wait to be back in Singapore... I'm counting down!!! 86 more days to I'll be back in Singapore...
I'll be arriving on the 25th Nov 2008 at 9.40pm
And I'll be turning 18 two days after I'm back in Singapore... So exciting!!!
Even though I really love my friends, but this year I just wanna spend the actual night wif my family and some close friends. Most of my friends are still having school so I wouldn't want them to have a hangover the night before school... LOL.

Lord I thank you that I'll be able to finally celebrate my birthday, Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year and hopefully Valentine's Day in Singapore. I pray for all my friends that you'll keep them safe and Lord, bless my family. Amen.

Friends do matter!

2008-08-25T22:14:00.004+10:00

Thanks to those who tagged at my tagboard and expressed their concern for me, much appreciated really!!!

Today is a brand new Monday, a start of a new week... Yesterday I was watching the Closing Ceremony of the Olympics and I actually semi felt like crying... weird yeah? Olympics had never been my thing, but this year, I don't know why I just felt so 'linked' to the Olympics, maybe it is because Singapore won its first medal in 48 years and that it is held in an Asian country?

Well I went to school feeling quite EMO today because I felt so detached from my year group... I know that they know that I exist, but other than that, I'm pretty sure they don't know much about me. Nevertheless, I have to remember that I'm not really in school to socialise but to concentrate on my studies... I actually finished my Chemisty homework during my STUDY block today... (Not exactly, kindaff went over to Maths, but cos there was only me and P in Maths, so the teacher allowed us to do whatever we wanted...) I have to admit that Ms Hill is a really nice and understanding teacher, maybe cos she is a mum to like 3 daughters who had just graduated from school not too long ago, so she can understand our pressure...

She is the first teacher that I know that allows us to listen to our ipod in class if it doesn't interrupt with us working on our Maths... Even though she is only my Maths Extension 1 teacher, but I think she is much better than the Maths Extension 2 teacher. My Maths Extension 2 teacher usually reads through the textbook and that is called teaching us Maths... No wonder I'm failing Maths... (Kindaff cannot blame anyone because I am both lazy and stupid)

5 weeks left of school and I already feel like tearing... I am pretty sure I'll cry on our Graduation ceremonies... I remember fearing going to school because I knew no one and studies was my only reason for going to school, but now, ever since the situation between me and my friends improved, I realised that it is not impossible that our friendship would stay on after we all graduate and move on with our lives.

School, school, school...

It is such a meaningful place... It not only educates us from what is on the textbook, it also bonds friends BUT I think that the most important thing that I've learnt from this school is to care for others and I suddenly had this quote running through my mind today: Don't ask what others can do for u, ask instead what you can do for them.

I'm pretty sure that the world outside college is much exciting and interesting too, only that is not one of the considerations that I have. All I can think of now, is to treasure the last five weeks left of school...

I thank God sincerely today for giving me the opportunity to attend school. You made me understand that the world is more than just that that surrounds us but that we're revolving around many others and we should learn to show our care and concern upon them. Lord I pray today, especially for those who have no school to go to, regardless of the reason whether it is war, or whether it is very rare for them to attend school, that Lord they'll still see your world the way you want them too. Lord I pray also today, that I'll be a candle u may use to shine in this world, whether I am shining brightly or dimly. Lord use me. Amen.

2008-08-22T01:45:00.002+10:00

Very very tired today...
I'm going to bed...
Watched my year's drama performance... it was so good...

日记之“心情低落”篇

2008-08-20T16:09:00.002+10:00

现在的我什么话都说不了，只知道心里好难过好难过。。。
虽然前两天拿回考试成绩的时候有失望，但是都没有现在那么绝望。。。
世上不是有句话是那么说的吗: 这个世界没有笨女人，只有懒女人。。。
我不只懒，我还非常非常的笨！！！
考试成绩一个比一个烂。。。
English：66.67/100
Maths Extension 1：未知
Maths Extension 2：57/120 = 不及格！！！
Physics ：52.5/100 （虽然是班上第二，但是考第一的和我的成绩差十多分！！！）
Chemistry： 54/100 （简直对自己无语 -_-"')
Biology: 70/100 （唯一还蛮满意的。。。至少二十多人当中是前五名）
Studies of Religion: 32/50 （最高分是48吧...)

我好笨好笨好笨哦！！！
人家跟我一样是新加坡人，样样第一，而我呢？每科只是勉强及格！！！
我第一次在澳洲考数学考到不及格！！！我现在终于体验到什么叫着“不自量力”。。。当初不要坚持读EXTENSION 2 就好了！！！
我根本就是这世界上最笨蛋的蠢蛋！！！
我现在开始努力还来得及吗？？？离会考（HSC）只有不到八个星期。。。我能考到好成绩吗？？？
今天还有另外一件让我不开心的事。。。
FORMAL（就是新加坡所谓的PROM）之后，同学们ORGANISED了一个AFTER PARTY。。。
我好想好想去哦。。。我妈在我考试期间说了如果我考的好的话，她就让我参加AFTER PARTY的！！！虽然考得不好（我没告诉她），但是她也不需要完全否认曾经说过这句话吧？？？
我们现在正在冷战。
我知道她不让我去只是不放心我。。。但是人生能参加这种活动也不过那几次嘛！！！说什么我未成年。。。她根本就是不信任我！！！
我当然比谁都了解她很爱我也之所以那么保护我。。。不过，说真的，她爱我的方式有时真的让我受不了。。。
我都快十八了。。。就算我倒是真的十八，她也一定不肯“放我走的”。。。

老天爷啊，为什么我的命个别人差那么多呢？我没有智慧，没有美丽的样貌，（又笨又丑）从小就没有父爱，我上辈子到底做错了什么？？？我知道你是疼我的。。。但是我真的不了解啊！！！敬爱的神啊，你指点指点我吧。。。让我在黑暗中找到希望，就算只是一丝丝的也无所谓。阿门。

ONE MORE PAPER TO GO!!!

2008-08-13T12:27:00.002+10:00

My eyes is super tired now...
Yesterday was cramming Biology until like 2 plus in the morning then had 5 hours of sleep (sounds a lot yeah?) LOL
Today's BIOLOGY paper concludes all my 3 hr paper because tomorrow's maths exam is only 2 hours...
I've tonight and tomorrow morning to revise for maths, so at least would not be that tired...

TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE IN THE MIDST OF EXAMINATION PERIOD HERE ARE SOME TIPS:
1) Start well... Don't wait until last minute to start revision, even if u're like two days away from the exam and u've time... STUDY!!!
2) Sleep Well... Making ur brain tired doesn't work, cos all the information that u just stored into ur brain would go into the recycle bin straight away and it'll take u ages to retrieve them
3) Eat Well... Having a balance diet esp a good meal before the exam is especially important because u don't wanna sit in a LONG exam for too long feeling hungry... ur brain would just keep sending impulses to ur stomach to alert u that U'RE HUNGRY and u would then not be able to concentrate well on the exam.
4) Drink Well... Ur body needs a lot of fluid to function... Make sure u take breaks in between ur studies to keep ur body going... (Studying all day long doesn't help... taking SHORT study breaks would only boost the quality of ur revision)
5) Revise Well... Reading through ur notes IS NOT enough... Making sure that u understand the concept and then able to tackle any questions is more important... Acroymns DO help... trust me, I've done it all these time for my exam and I still remember them even though the paper is over...
E.g.
To memorise the electromagnetic spectrum from the shortest wavelength u can try the following:
Get X'tra Ultra Violet In McDonald's Tanning Resort... and then it becomes
Gemma rays, X rays, Ultraviolet, Visible light, Infra red, Microwaves, television waves, radio waves...
Another example?
The formula for torque is: BIA and how do I remember it?
I had Banana Ice-cream Added...
Get the gist of it? Don't think that it is a waste of time to come up with acryomn/stories to help u remember... because then u wouldn't have to repeat the process of tiring revision ever again...
It really works... Try it guys!~
I feel like some advertisers, but well it really does work...

Dear Lord I thank you for today, I thank you for sunshine, I thank you for rain. Today I saw a poster in my school's toilet on the door that says: How humilated would u feel if u didn't have the door??? Indeed there are many people out there who don't have proper sanitary facilities and I thank God that I do. Amen.

TALKING ABOUT EXAMS

2008-08-11T12:34:00.002+10:00

Everytime I think of the word "EXAMS", I think of the word "RESULTS"... and when I think of my "RESULTS" I think of "FAILING" them...
JUst had my maths extension 2 paper today... was freaking hard can???
Very very worried about my future...
Like I always tell my mum, maybe I can just go and be a Cleaning Company's CEO and then in no time I'll be a billionaire... such a dream yeah?
I think so too!!!
BUt well, life would still have to go on...
I've Physics tomorrow, Biology on Wednesday and another Maths paper on Thursday.
Trust me, I'll come home everyday next week wif bad news (because of my horrible terrible vegetable marks!!!)
Maybe I should go and do my revision for Physics... lol
I just wanna say to all my friends out there because I know that everyone is so intensively studying for EXAMS:

加油！你们一定行的！
天下无难事只怕有心人！~

However, the most important thing is STUDY HARD AND REST WELL!!!
lol, oh yah, and having a good meal before the exam... cos I didn't really have breakfast this morning and I was kindaff starving durin the exam... then not enough glucose for the brain, therefore the brain didn't function well. But see, also cannot blame my brain lah... hehe

Dear Lord I pray that you'll shelther all my friends in the midst of examinations with extra love and care. Please grand them sufficient rest before the exam, a clarity of mind during the exam and courage to face whatever results they've got after the exam. I also pray for my mum as she is sick that your healing hands would soon heal her. Last but not the least, I would like to thank God for making me ME!!! Amen.

LoNg TiMe No UpDaTe

2008-08-10T13:31:00.002+10:00

I haven't updated my blog in a while... and I know that there are people out there who care about me by taggin at my blog...I wanna take this opportunity to thank you guys and to assure u that I am fine... so don't worry about me yeah? :D
I had to change my blogskin because apparently the other blogskin didn't appear too well, the picture was copyrighted or smthing... lol
This is like the first time I use such a bluey background... It is kindaff depressing =P
Well I am not suppose to be online updating my blog right now... Cos..
I still have exams the coming week...
Maths Extension 2 on Mon, Physics on Tuesday, Biology on Thursday and Maths Extension 1 on Thursday... Gonna be a busy week and I should be studying now, but it is so hard for me to find motivation.
Hopefully it would all be alright!!!~
加油陈萱霓，你行的！！！

Heavenly Father I thank you for giving me the strength to wake up this morning... and EYES to see the Sun, EARS to hear the birds chipping away, NOSE to smell the sweet scent of dew, MOUTH to eat my breakfast and TOUCH to feel ur love. I pray that more people out there would be able to do so as well. I also pray for good weather conditions for the Olympics. The theme for this year's Olympics is that of "One World, One Dream". May we all feel honoured as ur child in this big family of this Universe. Amen.

Sentimental today

2008-07-18T23:53:00.002+10:00

I've moved...
Actually not to a strange environment... it's only my house before, only I had to move away because my ex-stepdad wouldn't let us into the house...
Even though it is not something very proud to say but well, my mum has been divorced for the second time in her life. I started asking myself, what is everlasting love?... does it exist...? What have I done wrong in my life that I can't have a father... Not even a few years of his love... He was there with me only when my memory wasn't that clear to me, or was it because I choose not to remember them... He tried to kill me, and my ex-stepdad for now, threatened to kill my mum. Everything in my life just seem so wrong.
As I am moving house, I was flipping through my diary that I wrote when I was little, and homework actually made me tired... and it wasn't that much at all... LoL.
I know understand what it means to know little is actually fortunate... The lesser we know, the less we have to worry for, and there wouldn't be so much worries in front of us.
I was reading through a few of my Singapore friends' blog today, and I realised that I have been so stupid. Why?
Their lives have moved on...
But mine hasn't.
I seem to still be living in November 2005... Where all my friends matter to me... but to them, I am nothing more than a friend in memory.
It's great that I ring them sometimes, and if I don't, we seem to lose touch...
'Friends' is a very strange word...
But what means more is not friend but the friendship that is being shared by two friends. I've not received much letters/emails/calls/much contact from them.
Am I still important in their lives?
I know there are bound to people who would shout out: Of course!
But I know better than anyone that they just wanna make me feel better. Even though sometimes I regret coming to Australia, but at least I am not as stressed out as them as to think that studies is the most important thing in life. I know definitely that studies are important, but there are so much more that I think means to me.
Family, Friends and most of all, my dream.
My dream is to travel to developing countries to spread the love around... I know better how it feels to be without a father... and even if my mum is still around, I'll never forget living under someone else's roof and only getting to see her once a week... and more than anything else, when she was working with my ex-stepdad, she would leave a note and maybe some money and tell me that she was going overseas for work...
I love my family a lot!
And I am considering whether I wanna study forensics in Uni... or should I stick to the medical course, so that my family can be proud of me?
Even though my mum is with me almost every second now, but her presence seems to be a bother for me, but when she isn't around, I've to worry about whether she is safe or not... How contradicting can a human get?
Well family and friends...
They mean a lot to me...
But I don't.
How weird.
I seem to get very sentimental nowadays... My tears fall very easily and my smiles are hard to come by... Is there anyone out there who can bring laughter back into my world?

Heavenly Father, I pray today that more love can be spread around in this world. Bring more families together, and less war in the world. Let the world hear ur words, and feel ur almighty love. May I be a useful child in ur eyes...
Don't take me away so soon...

dun noe wad the title should be

2008-07-03T22:02:00.002+10:00

I am sitting on my computer desk, surrounded by clean white walls, drinking my cup of hot chocolate... The silence around me reminds me of when I first stepped into this house... That night was my first night back in Sydney this year, the first time I was on the flight without my mummy... I still remember that I held my tears for so long, until my mum was asleep, before I let it all out. I dun noe the reason behind my tears, was it the unfamiliar environment, or was the fact that I was no longer in Singapore. Up until today, I still have no idea. The place was empty and quiet that night from my memory... Mummy and I took a while before this place was made to look like home.
I'll be moving back to my original location this weekend, to the place where I had been living seen the day I first arrived in Sydney. However, the current place where I call home is where I have pulled through the 'darkness' in my life. Even though a lot of things happened in my life, but at least I know that I still have a place to call home. I know I'll miss this place... this place where I call home. It used to be my shelter, a place to shade me from the hurricanes and storms in my life. I know I have persuaded myself to believe that this is home, but now I have to move. I'll be moving back to my initial home... The home where I had lived in for two years. Although I had only lived in this place for half a year, but I know that nothing is gonna erase all my happenings here... The memories are permanent and they are irreplaceable.
I don't know when I'll get back my internet because of my moving. I have no idea whatsoever since when I became so reliance on my computer, more so the internet. Maybe it started when I first moved here, where I couldn't find anything else to rely on, not even my friends. They backstabbed me at the hardest time of my life, and it is also only through this adversity that I am facing that I finally found the people who care about me.
I'll be farewelling this place in no time, but I know it is not goodbye, because the scent of this place will always stay close to my heart. Hopefully I'll find comfort in my original home and that I'll still be able to settle down here and not be affected by the intolerable memories I had there.

Heavenly Father, I pray today especially to thank you for providing me with such a safe place where I could call home. Lord I know that regardless of what may happen in my life, you're always there to guide me and lead me and that I never need to fear and worry about tomorrow because I know u're already there. Lord I pray that I'll be able to settle down in the other house just like u helped me to settle down here. Last but not least, I wanna thank you for giving me friends who stayed close to me regardless of what happened in my life. I pray that you'll also be there for them when they need you and that if I could be a shining light in someone else's life, please let me be. Amen.

2008-06-29T04:10:00.002+10:00

狂大的笑声让我不知不觉的落下一丝的郁闷与无助。。。
最近发生在我身上的事情实在太多了。。。尤其要从昨天开始讲起。。。现在虽然已经是临晨四点钟左右了，但是我却不在我床上睡觉。。。而却在这里UPDATE我这不知道有多久没UPDATE的部落格。。。本来想说学期的最后一周ASSESSMENT太多，每天早上三点半睡觉都无所谓，反正我放假就可以好好大睡一场了。。。不够没有。。。六月二十七号是我这学期的最后一天，但是却是我噩梦和欢乐的开始。。。应该从本来应该是五点九个字才来给我补习开始说起。不因为太就没睡了，所以习惯了放学回家之后都会小睡一下，结果她五点半就来了，我当时没吃晚饭没洗澡，还要补个三种头，我都快睡着了。再加上我上课时候不停接到电话和SMS。。。原本要来我家住的人不来了，原本不来我家住的人却来了。。。Next day 早上我一睡醒，那位原本要来我家睡觉的女生就来了。。。我都没刷牙洗脸换衣她就来了。。。原本在我家睡觉的女生出门了，我便和另一位女生一起到楼下去买东西，结果碰上了P。。。就一起去吃饭了。。。我们花了好几个小时准备晚餐，晚餐的却很丰盛，我也吃得津津有味。。。后来我们四个女生聊开了，决定我们今晚四个人都不要睡觉好好聊天了。。。有一位女生还陪着另一个女生回到离我这有两小时的车程的家拿隐形眼睛的药水。。。在等待的当中，我打了电话，好几个人都不在家，就H在家，便和她聊天。。。可能是因为太久没聊天，我们聊得很开心。。。两位女生回来之后我们都好好的研究了不少关于女生的生活。。。后来关了灯躺在床上继续聊天，结果我以为他们都累了，而且本就只是双人床，要睡四个人，根本不可能。。。所以我就装没睡意，出来"看电影”，事实上我只是希望他们能睡得好一些。。。结果我写了这个部落格有二十来分钟才睡着。。。而二十来分钟当中他们还聊得好开心呢！其实我比他们都想睡觉但是就是。。。有种说不出的痛苦。。。
老天爷，真的谢谢你让我的生命中增加了不少乐趣与朋友，求你一定要保护他们哦！阿门。

Long long time no blog

2008-05-27T15:11:00.001+10:00

I haven't blogged for such a long time... Life have been hectic...
I haven't had a good sleep for two nights... Sunday night (more like monday morning) slept at 5am and then came home last night slept from 6 plus to 11 plus... then whole night never sleep until now... so tired... finally completed and handed in my chemistry project. so happy. Today luckily is short day, school ended at 2pm. But have to stay in school for another 1 plus hour to wait for my mother to come to the school for the parent/teacher interview.
I am pretty sure i didn't go well in my report for last term... I didn't really put in effort...
Now in school library watching youtube... but more than watching youtube, I actually want my bed, I wanna sleep....
That's all for today. I wanna sleep! Really wanna sleep.
Dear Lord I pray for strength today, I really need to sleep, so please grant me sleep. More than so, I wanna pray for the victims of the natural disasters in Burma and China. Love your kids God. Amen.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

2008-05-11T00:36:00.003+10:00

нαρρу мσтнєя'ѕ ∂αу!!!

All mothers deserve the best day today... even though they deserve it everyday, but not every family in this world can survive without the mother doing the chores, driving the kids to and from school etc...
敬全天下的母亲：万岁万岁万万岁~！

bought my mummy carnations, chocolates and a card...

the carnations from top view

the pressies I got for her from top view

Front zoom in view of the carnations

May is actually a very special month. Today is Mother's Day, and next Sunday is my mummy's birthday. She told me yesterday was my biological dad's birthday. I wished I was born in May too... but I also enjoy having most of my birthdays in school holidays... haha ^_^ Almost all the families are all out there celebrating Mother's Day, like father mother children etc... Everytime I think of that, I wished I was able to enjoy those moments as well, but I know deep down inside, it would never be possible.

So Lord I pray today for all the mothers in the world. I pray especially for the mothers suffering from AIDS due to sexual assault etc... May your blessing reach upon them to grant them the happiness of at least being around their children. Lord I'll also like to pray for those mothers who silently gave up their life for the birth of their child. And lastly, I'll like to pray for the children in this world who has no mother to rely on that you continue to keep them in the caring hands of volunteers. I would also especially like to pray for the mothers who lost their child somehow or rather, that this day would not be a pain that reminds them of their children's departure, but a day to remember their greatness as a mother. Hallujah to all the mothers in the world. Thank you Lord for giving me a mum to love and whom loves me. Amen.

insufficient amount of sleep

2008-05-09T14:18:00.000+10:00

It is actually friday today... Few days never update already... not because I am busy with school work, but because I've been watching alot of drama series... *guilty* I just can't find the motivation to study... I think this is the first time in my life for probably about two weeks that I've not sat down at home and done my homework... So terrible right? Today got a Religion Assignment Due, so yesterday, or should I say I this morning 3am plus then sleep... the whole day today I almost fell asleep in class... Later some more got chemistry... Aiyah. Next friday got a Physics Class Test based on our research and I've not started yet... This saturday is the first time that JY would be coming over to my house for maths, but S is not this Sunday because of Mothers' Day. Dun noe what I am going to do this weekend... Hopefully I can catch up on sleep and of course my school work.
Wednesday morning arrived at school pretty early, so I went to set up the cultural board... it's in pink, my favourite colour. Wished I wasn't the cultural prefect... because it seems that prefects are always the one doing stuff rather than the committee...
Thursday morning went to school and then found out that someone took one piece of paper out of the board, so I re-organise the board again... Added a photo... Then during Assembly, I just have to say that I am so proud of myself*not in a bad way though*... but I actually manage to speak in front of the whole school, at an Assembly without a transcript and just straight out of my mind... I had a DVD prepared, but sadly it didn't play. But I wasn't at all disappointed... From the minute I step down of the stage and everyone clapped (they applaused everytime someone went up there to speak and come down) and people gave me smiles of recognition. Throughout the whole day after, up until just now, even my G teacher praised me today at lunch time for my presentation. I think that's what I like about going up on stage... This happened the other time as well, everytime I walk past a teacher who think he/she knows me, or even girls that I knew, they would praise me that I've done well... For the first time in my life, I didn't find oral presentations were any difficult anymore I guessed... I like the feeling when people acknowledge your good work and thank you for it. After Assembly was lunchtime... had a combined meeting with the Fransican committee... most of their members came and only two came from my committee.... Had my sandwich then went to Maths class... There was a fire drill, so the class was semi interupted. Lessons after were alright, then went home and sleep sooooooo damn early loh...
Today hopefully can reach home at 4pm... then must shower, eat dinner, photocopy my tuition notes (like one pile of them because I have been dragging since the holidays) and then have tuition at around 6pm.... I plan to take a nap at 9pm tonight after my tuition until like 10.30pm then I'll start ringing HW and talk like usual to 1am (Singapore time) 3am (Aussie time) lol... dun noe if we can last...
Brain really tired now... cannot think of anything else to type... So I decided to sign off and go my locker put my stuff, see if Ms Ward is in her office and ask her some stuff and then go for Chemistry...
Lord I pray that you'll give me strength to last at least to 9pm tonight before I let my body and mind and soul have a good rest. Lord I pray for good health in the school community... as this is the season when most people tend to fall sick. Lastly I'll like to thank God for giving me such a great opportunity to stand up on stage and smoothly say almost everything I wanted to say. Thanks for bringing the smiles back to my face. Amen.
Time seems to fly, I never thought it would be Friday so soon...

Begin with the end in mind

2008-05-06T22:27:00.003+10:00

Had a shower about an hour ago... weather super cold, so when I bathe in hot water, I feel really good... that's why I love and hate showering during cold season... I love it when I am under hot running water, but I hate to come out of it... Everytime I am under the running waters, I imagine myself like a 太太 in a 温泉...woo, it just makes me wanna stop everything else that I am doing... lol.
Today is a pretty good tuesday... I attended SJ as usual, and for the first time in this school, because C has always been like the technical support sort of person, no one even knew I knew how to fix stuff until this morning when C was late that the teacher actually said that I'll be her technical helper for the morning... So I helped her to fixed some of the problems she was having with the video she was making before going to 4U Maths class. The lesson was alrite... then went to Biology and we went to the garden to conduct this practical to model natural selection... The weather is pretty nice for a walk... Recess was just hanging around... Then I had 3U maths where I just tried doing the questions... then I had study where I finished up my chemistry practical and also updated the 'etc' bit of my blog.
For one of the first lunch that I could remember, I actually heated up my food in the microwave because I am often occupied by meetings or G lessons... But today's lunch was quite a fun... Towards the end of lunch, two of my schoolmates J and N were juggling water bottles in the air... They were sitting opposite each other on two ends of the classroom and I happened to be beside N (just because my locker was there). And so accidentally that I got hit twice, once I felt my right rib cage almost broke (exaggeration though) and the other hit the side of my left arm... Then I headed for physics... as if I wasn't attacked enough, I , the junior who lent me her USB with the shows, punched me on my right arm as she was walking past me... But at least today I truely laugh from the bottom of my heart, as if I haven't been able to smile without any burden for so long...
After which I had the same teacher I had for SJ for Physics then Chemistry. Physics was just going through the sheets, I almost fell asleep (due to insufficient sleep the night before), but chemistry was alrite... it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. As usual, I caught the bus home and when I opened the letter box, there it was, not just one, but two snail mail letters, one from WY and the other from LF... so weird, they both sent it on different days yet it arrived at the same time... lol... But thank you so much for the letters my friends, I'll reply as soon as I can... I think that was what made my mood really great this evening (even though it is already 11.20pm and I didn't even realise that I spent like half an hour to type this and I haven't done much of my work, but at least I am attempting to get on with it... >_<)
I watched half of 命中注定我爱你 Ep 8, half of 古灵精探 Ep 8 and 3 Eps already of 花より男子II(=D)and I am loading Ep 7 on 土豆 because for some reasons it wasn't copied unto my computer...
Thank God today was a pretty smooth day for me. ^_^
Dear Lord I pray and thank you for this day. I thank you for giving me the strength to last through this whole day. As the week comes closer and closer to an end (even though it is only Tuesday and nearly Wednesday in 34 minutes *beginning with the end in mind*), I pray that you'll continue to keep me in the best condition possible for the rest of the week. And Lord I pray also for my family and friends that they'll be too, in their most desirable state of mind especially. Amen.

yet another Monday

2008-05-05T23:30:00.002+10:00

It is half an hour more to 12 mn... I realise that I procrastinate a lot... and I like working at night... I seem to be more active at night, even though my ultimate aim would probably be to go to bed as early as I can... lol. kindaff ironic yeah? Today is a day of mixed emotions. First lesson was physics... she just went through theory... Followed by English lesson, we were just discussing the poem. Two blocks of chemistry for practical, so overall quite okie. Lunch time went for g lessons... hand ached the whole lesson... then only eat two biscuits... then I had a study in the library, so just did a bit of the write up for chemistry. Maths was alright, we just had to do the questions... The happiest thing today is my junior lent me her USB that contained her shows in there... I copied one cantonese and one taiwanese show unto my computer, but most of all I copied the show I have been waiting for - Hana Yori Dango Season 2. I watched until ep 3 today, the storyline is like the second half of the chinese version of meteor garden whereby 道明寺司 is engaged to 小滋... the plot is pretty similar, but bits and pieces are still different... Haiyah, that's why I say that shows are very bad for me... until now, 12.38am already still got to do 3U maths hw, 4U maths hw, physics worksheet and write up the pract... dun noe what time can I sleep tonight.
Heavenly Lord I pray for the coming few hours that you keep me in good attention when I am in my classes... I am so prone to yawns now.... May the day get better and better in your hands. Amen.

Didn't update yesterday so update today

2008-05-04T21:47:00.002+10:00

It was 'weekend' the last time I updated my blog, and now it's Sunday, the day before Monday. And Monday means 'back to school' for most students. Aiyah... once another week of school... and it only means the closer I am to ending my high school life... is it a good thing or is it bad? Can't feel anything at the moment. I ended up ringing HY at nearly 11pm (Singapore time) on friday night... and chatted less than usual, only for two hours... Time passes really fast when you're having fun. And we can chat about anything from space to underground and still talk for really long and really happily. Then went to bed and woke up pretty late on Saturday morning (or should I say afvo?) Guess I didn't do much, so yeah I checked my phone and I got two missed calls from JY... surprisingly 'cos she seldom initiates communication... So I rang her and found out that she wanted to study maths with me every Saturday... so yeah did a little arrangement and confirmed today that she would come starting coming Saturday after 1pm... to about 5pm. I think it is a good opportunity for me too... lol. Plus S comes to my house every Sunday for 2 hours for maths as well... and then I have 3-4 hours of maths coaching on Friday nights... and Thursday afternoon I have to stay in school for 4U maths. And I have Maths everyday in my timetable... what a 'maths freak' I seem to be... But to be honest, I rather have the whole day of maths than 2 periods of science... i dun noe why, I just do... I am not saying that Science lessons are boring (which ever science it is), but I enjoy being in a Maths class more than a Science class I guess because half the time in maths we're actually do-ing maths... and most of the time in Science classes we're actually listening... or taking notes.
Anyway, I didn't do much this weekend... I wanted to but found it so hard to motivate myself... I am always telling myself... tomorrow, tomorrow I'll definitely do the work, but there'a always a tomorrow after another tomorrow, so I'll just end up not doing it or leaving it to the last minute. This weekend I watched 古灵精探... a detective show... more of murder than other crimes... I hope it didn't once again arouse my interest in Forensics... I thought I was set for Bac. of Medicine/Bac. of Surgery for the next six years.... But if I can't get in, then I'll just to have to do Forensics or I was considering Traditional Chinese Medicine too... sounds interesting... but my UAI must allow me to get into the course then can loh... I so lazy and stupid... cannot even get good grades in my mid years, how can I actually going to do well ultimately?
I think that was the only show I have been watching for these two days... and because of the slow internet connection, I only managed to watch until ep 6 today... Apparently there's like 25 episodes... Don't know when I can actually finish the show... That's the reason why I don't like to start watching/falling in love with a new show. It makes me wanna watch them rather than do anything else... Like this weekend, nothing has been done. I feel guilty truely, but I obviously more so enjoy watching the shows... Hopefully I'll start picking up my momentum in studying again. I think I have let loose of myself too much ever since I entered the second term of Senior Years because I haven't been doing well... But I might have the wrong impression that everything's gonna get better, because it just isn't.
I have so much coming up for next week.... only I could get a few more days of rest... (probably because I'm still in the holiday mood, sadly)
Heavently Father, I wanna thank you for giving us 'weekends' and 'weekdays'. It has been a good few hours of rest away from studies (even though heaps of people use it to catch up with studies). So Lord I pray that you'll be able to continue to grant me strength and faith to face the coming week. I'll also like to commit everyone else who needs the energy to relive from the holiday mood into your hands, that you'll be able to lead us into the right mood for work soon. I thank you sincerely for these two days of weekend. Amen.

王子变青蛙万岁！

2008-05-02T22:29:00.002+10:00

不知道为什么今天就是特别想用中文来写。。。对我来说中文是个不可缺少的语言，它带给我许多美好的回忆也包括让我能够顺利的表达一些感性的话。我今天很累，身体累，精神更累。虽然这个星期不长也不短，但是就是觉得很累。说真的我越来越觉得自己好失败哦，我好像没有力量更没有冲劲去继续我未来的路。TRIALS 和 HSC 的时间表都揭晓了，看着我考试的日期越来越靠近，我越觉得自己没有什么本事和完全没有自律的力量。感觉上在我身旁的每个人都在为考试努力的往前冲，好像只有我还在懒懒散散的享受人生。可不是吗，人生很短。如果不趁活着的时候多多欣赏这个老天爷赐给我们的美丽世界，那不是太浪费了吗？没有人会知道自己什么时候会离开这个世界，或许是很久以后，也会有可能明天就不小心在路上被撞死，或者吃着自己喜欢的鱼丸吭死。我们的命运没有人比上帝更加清楚。我一直觉得很奇怪，一个妈妈要怀胎十个月才生下宝宝，可是生与死就那几秒之差，好不可思议哦！我领悟到一个好的人生并不一定要天长地久，一个人生的灿烂在于那个人在这一生当中做了什么等等。我昨天看完最美丽的第七天的结局，他说了一句我认为很有道理的一句话：上帝创造天地万物做了七天的时间，他将最美丽的事物都放在诗人的面前。所以人生在世，无论你经历过什么，只要你懂得珍惜，一切都可以是最美好的！今天我做了什么呢？第一节课是RELIGION。。。怪无聊的。第二和第三课分别是PHYSICS和CHEMISTRY。。。然后是数学，S又缺课了，不知道她到地发生什么事了，希望一切都还好。午餐时候又有MEETING了，然后见了一个老师后上BIOLOGY。。。接着赶回家补习。。。 4U 好难哦。。。我越来越觉得有心无力了。。。我本来想说新加坡时间八点左右的时候打电话给HY的，但是不知道为什么今天特别悲哀，所以有点不想说话的感觉。。。我刚刚在灯饰见过的时候想说看点什么，结果我还是选择了“王子变青蛙”。。。这是我看过最棒的一套戏了。。。现在已经是半夜12.29am 了。。。有点不知所措的感觉。天气越来越冷了，希望明天会更好。。。明天当然好了，终于是周末了！
好了，我有很多话都有口难言，那就别说了。
我恳求上帝能保佑我的家人和朋友都平平安安快快乐乐的过每一天。阿门。

缘分到底算什么？

2008-05-01T23:23:00.000+10:00

今天心情怪怪的。。。
Today was 1st of May, Labour Day, but then I no holiday... sianz. (I blog until over 12 midnight liao... haix)First block was 我最不喜欢的religion... 上了挺没意思的。。。明天第一节课又是religion,真不想去上课！Afterwhich was English again, at first when the teacher called my name, I thought she was going to tell me off for writing such a weird narrative for holiday homework (the fact was that I actually didn't put much effort into it) but luckily she only wanted me to go to the student office to get a new duster for her... phew. English was alright, we just went through poems, techniques, those usual stuff. Afterwhich was recess, I returned my padlock that I borrowed when I was last locked out of my other house and didn't get a chance to get it... I handed my timetable to Ms Ward so she could organise my duty for Study Buddy. Then I had physics... rather boring lesson, just going through worksheets. Assembly was okie, we commemorated Anzac Day, on the whole was alright. I had a meeting with my committee at lunchtime, as usual, only few people turned up. I just can't believe how they can actually forget about the meetings, I gave up looking for them. And because those who came didn't have their lunch, so I decided that as a prefect, I shall not eat my lunch too. Biology was alright, except my stomach almost kept reminding me that I was supposed to consume my lunch. The last lesson for school was Maths... My kidneys was overworked I guess, 忍尿is no good... especially for health... I finally went to the bathroom when the bell rang. I had to stay in school today for extra maths lesson... got back my mid year results liao... super terrible...我发现我不是一般的笨，而是非常蠢，成绩一落千丈我也毫无悔改之心，真是没得救了。Took the bus ride home and met Anastasia coincidently... Can't believe it... she's a girl my age and she is only a few days away from the exam that is going to determine if she gets into the UNI course she wants to do or not, as for me, the time table for my exam came out today... most people ends really early, but not so for me... and the worst thing is that chemistry is the last paper... Hopefully I'll be able to get through everything in time for my exam... Did nothing much at home... only rang hy and ly today... chatted for a while... then back to my youtube... even though it is 12.42am now, I hope I can finish my maths homework while finishing the last episode of 最美丽的第七天...
One quote popped up in the show today that I already knew but I think it is good to re-emphasize it: 当上天关上所有的门的时候，总会给你打开一扇窗。。。
So Lord I pray today that you'll open another window not just for me, but for another who thinks that they're trapped in a room and there's no other way out. Remind them that the window is open... The window may not be visible, but it is definitely in our hearts. Therefore, I pray, Lord that no matter what happens, that I'll be able to find that window and may the others find it too. Amen.

没什么TITLE

2008-04-30T22:42:00.002+10:00

Today started the day with physics... theory was alright, cannot say fully understood, but also cannot say don't understand... Then was english, like usual, she spent 1/2 the lesson to collect the holiday homework. Other 1/2 of lesson was spent talking about context, including personal, historical, social and cultural context. Afterwhich I went for my Study Buddy training session 1 then went to hang around the library for a while before heading to UNSW for my biology excursion. We visited the Museum of Human Diseases. There were heaps of real specimens of organs... It is just quite unbelieveable the extent that the body could deteriorate to. Semi-scary sometimes... it felt weird being around specimens, not that I was scared of it, just that it didn't feel that comfortable probably after knowing and seeing for myself how bad the body could get... But our body is really strong, it holds on to very single damage to the last second esp. the liver. It was an enriching session. Came home earlier today, but didn't end up getting anything done, uhm except that I am guilty of watching 同事三分亲 episode 291 and 292. I finally found Hana Yori Dango on 土豆.com but I didn't watch it because my internet went a little crazy. Talking about the internet, today is the 15th anniversary of WWW... can't believe it, I am actually older than the internet, yet I rely so much on it. The weather of as cold as it was yesterday, but I think it was the weather that make Sydney Sydney... like I felt that I wasn't in Singapore.. lol. Have to get on to work... Shall blog to here today.

Dear Lord, I thank you for making me me. I thank you for giving me a body that functions, even though I don't know if every single bit is working well but at least I am thankful for the fact that I am alive right now, this very minute and this very second. May the Lord continue to heal the sick with your healing hands and may your power enrich them in health. Amen.

今天好冷哦

2008-04-29T21:59:00.004+10:00

It is back to school once again... it feels a bit weird, I don't know how to describe it, I just know that I feel different. Today went to attend SJ as usual at quarter to 8 at the computer lab, and then went to religion class. It ended up that religion class was also in the computer lab. I was sitting in front of the laptop, and suffering from headaches. I didn't know what to do, or rather, I stare at the worksheet given and almost gave up. English class was quite fun, we played some poetic games... Recess... was nothing, just hanging around the school... and also returned most of my library books. Maths was okie, I admit that I found back my smile after doing maths, I guess that's where my interest lies... Biology was alright, we were given a permission note saying that we have an excursion tomorrow... that means I'll be missing classes. I only have two classes tomorrow, physics and english then off for excursion at UNSW, which is one bus ride away from my current home... Hopefully I'll be able to arrive home earlier tomorrow... For lunch I had fried rice, then we had to go to the hall for some boring forum... Drained most of my energy. Came home opened letter box and there was nothing... can't wait till I receive letters. They are like my energiser... providing me with the energy I need.

Didn't do much after arriving home... but managed to download hana yori dango's (流星花园日本版）song... super nice... If only I understood Japanese, then I wouldn't have to watch it with subtitles... but at least I could still understand when Makino (杉菜) and Doumyouji (道明寺）scolded each other stupid (--> baga 巴嘎）... and also when they said good morning, thank you, etc... Wished I could learn Japanese, but more than anything now, I really wanna watch hana yori dango II and apparently there's a movie or something... Don't know if it will drop down from the sky for me... haha. Aiyo, still dreaming in your dramas sia...

希望明天会更好。。。

I am addicted to blogging I think, I am becoming more and more constant in my blogging... too bad now internet connection slowed down... if not can do so much more like... hehe. (>_<)

Heavenly Father I thank you for today. I thank you for giving me the strength to last through the day. I wanna pray for women in the world. Many women in this world are being mistreated by man. I read an article today in Social Justice (SJ) about Bangladesh women being forced into marriages, such as with their cousin and if they didn't, they could be locked up and subjected to domestic violence. I also read a newspaper article about a 40-ish woman being raped by her father in Austria and had been kept captive for 20 years. She has not seen light in 20 years... There are many of such tragedies around in the world. I guess that's the reason why women may end up killing their violent husband (a woman in Japan was charged for sawing up her husband's body... etc and jailed for 15 years.) I dared not say that the woman is in no wrong, but if her husband wasn't driving her nuts, controlling her every action, I guess she wouldn't have ended up in jail. I always thought that marriages were meant to be happy and everlasting, but there are just too many examples around me to make me doubt the true meaning of love and marriage. So Lord today, I pray that you give women the strength to live through whatever adversity they may be facing with the belief that you're always there. Amen.

2008-04-28T15:28:00.002+10:00

Didn't do much yesterday... except vacuuming the floor and watching 9 episodes of 东方茱丽叶... lol... today watched the last episode of 恶作剧2吻，and episode 17 of the hong kong drama 最美丽的第七天 as well as the sitcom 同事三分亲 currently until 290 episodes... but still enjoying it a lot =D aiyah youtube 啊youtube, it is my best entertainment centre but it is also my worst temptation from my school work... If only I was a little more disciplined...

After 16 days of holidays, I finally have to face the reality of going back to school tomorrow. I don't think that I don't want to go back to school, it is just that I've spent almost the whole holidays doing nothing related to studies and probably feeling guilty for it. Moreover, I have so many meetings and commitments even for the first week back to school. I wished I had no responsibilities, maybe then I'll enjoy school even more, but then again, without these responsibilties, I may never feel the sense of satisfactory I am feeling at the moment. I only hope that the following term would go smoothly and that I will not encounter any serious crisis etc. Hopefully tomorrow would be a wonderful day.

Today I pray for wisdom and self-disciplined from my dearest heavenly Father. I pray that I'll be able to get through the term without too much last minute work, or laziness. I pray for gratefulness that I'll be thankful for being able to go to school as there are many people out there in the world who are dying for a school to go to. So I'll commit tomorrow into your hands. Amen.

明天会更好

2008-04-27T15:22:00.004+10:00

Wanted to update yesterday... but was too tired... first of all, wishing Esther a Happy Belated 18th Birthday... I wanted to ring you, but then jy came over to my house and I ended up a little lazy. I met JY at my saturday chinese class when I first arrived in Sydney, and we lost contact for a while until now. If not because of her, I probably would not have been that crazy over 台湾偶像剧... So as usual, she brought some DVDs for me to enjoy including: 东方茱丽叶，half of 黑糖玛奇朵(even though I watched it before but still... =P) 和十八禁不禁，当让也少不了日本版的流星花园：Hana Yori Dango 花より男子!!! The Japanese version of Meteor Garden is sooooooo much nicer, I guess it's because the ending is much better... lol... I wanna watch Season 2 of 花より男子!!! One day I will... hehehe...

Well so as I was saying, JY came over to my house then we had lunch, chatted, exchanged songs, and she downloaded this chinese typing thingie into my computer so now I can type 中文字 anytime and anywhere!~ But she went home eventually at 8 plus, I went with her to the bus stop to wait for the bus, firstly it was freezing cold and secondly there was this 'drunk' man I think who came up to us and asked if we had 50 cents, and we said we didn't and he fully scolded us stupid plus the f word... OMG, can't believe that there are so many of such people around. Then I showered and watched 花より男子... Was enjoying it... it is semi similar and semi different to the taiwan version but apparently it is more similar to the comic version of Meteor Garden. More people seemed to have more parts in 花より男子, like one of my favourite character 道明寺樁 (-->Dao Ming Si's sister's Japanese name) ... Yeah and the mother is also much more human, even though still as annoying haha... Don't know how to say how cool it is, but it is just sooooo good... hopefully I'll be able to watch the second version soon.

I opened an email this morning and I found this paragraph really meaningful...

"Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late."

So treasure the friendships around you my dearest friends. X_X

Dearest Lord, I pray today for the best of health and safety for my family and friends. Furthermore, I would like to pray for peace in the world. It is only when the world is peaceful that more people could then have the time to look around and be grateful for whatever they are given rather than taking all for granted. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer. Amen.

Ambiguous Emotions

2008-04-25T02:24:00.003+10:00

That special friend who usually rings me ran out of international call credits. Today it was me who rang her. I wanted to tell her I wasn't feeling happy... but she was stressed. How could I tell her anything when she's already so stressed. For the first time I felt very hopeless for being so far away. Yet every single time when I needed support from my S'pore friends, they're always there for me. I feel so selfish. My unhappiness is nothing as compared to her stress. But what's undeniable is that students in Singapore are suffering from heaps of unnecessary stress. I feel sorry for them. But more than sorry, I really feel hopeless. I can't do anything to make them feel better. I could only try to find another special friend to sms her. I hope she is feeling better now. I think a lot of people think that I can say all these because I am not feeling stress. I am... I am under strong competition, but I have learnt to let out of myself when necessary, but it is true I sometimes let go of myself too much. I just think that studies isn't all there is in life. But well, I am in no state to say anything because I am still studying myself. I guess the only thing I can do now is keep my friends in my prayers. Praying sincerely for them that they'll be able to pull through this time smoothly... =)

Dear Lord, I pray for nothing today but strength. Please grant strength to any of my friends who are weary and stress, give them rest and may they be able to find comfort in you. That's all I ask today. Please take care of my friends. Amen.

Drowned in wasabi

2008-04-23T18:30:00.003+10:00

HapPy BiRthDay to HazEL & WaI MuN...

More and more of my friends are turning 18... lol...

They must be enjoying themselves in alcohol and clubbing probably. lol...

She rang me at 11pm ytd and this afternoon as well. It was a bit special today though... I usually shower at night, but today I decided to take an earlier shower... and luckily i brought the phone to the bathroom, if not she ring I also cannot hear... yeah so I talked to her while I was in the bathroom lol.

I got my mind set finally to jia you for my studies. I believe that there is nothing that is impossible. Must jia you for me k?

I ate sushi for dinner today. Almost drowned in the wasabi... even though the wasabi very hot, but still enjoy it. I think many things in life are like that. Even though we know we are going to be hurt somehow or rather, but we still wanna try. But then after I drank a cup of hot tea I felt better... I guess to me, friends are like that. They warm and calm me. Arigatou to all my friends out there (+ family of course) who stand by me always to give me the best support and listening ear ever.

my sushi dinner...

Heavenly Father, I thank you for today. I wanna pray for the hungry kids in this world. If they're hungry for food, give them bread. If they're thirsty, give them water. If they're hungry for parents, give them the most love the world could ever give. Teach us to be thankful. Amen.

我很久没有写日记了

2008-04-22T16:53:00.006+10:00

我很久没有写日记了...

I changed a blogskin today, not because I am very crazy over ISWAK 2 but because I got a little tired of that blogskin I had before. I really really love watching asian dramas... I never seem to get sick of them *wink* I know I shouldn't and not suppose to spend so much time on youtube, but I just can't seem to stop myself. These few days I didn't think that I would update my blog.

But recently, actually since Sunday, I have been in close contact with this special friend, she'll ring me at weird times, I meant international calls. I'll always say to her that she scared me, but more than just scaring me, she reminded me that I have friends who care about me. Me being surprise is just because I am beginning to feel once again that I am cared and loved. I treasure every minute and every second of talking to her. I would ring my friends once in a while, but I don't know since when it became my habit to ring this other also special friend weekly. We can talk for hours... It is these calls that makes me whole. I have been hurt , hurt terribly by friendship, I don't know what the word friendship actually means, but I know that true friendships can stand any test. No matter whom I might talk to, whether thru MSN, emails, or actually through the phone, I would always be full of smiles, not because I haven't talked to them in a while, but rather due to the fact that they give me the comfort I think I might have lost.

Another reason that I updated today is because my friends want to know how I have been... so I decided to upload a few photos...

Below are some pictures that I took recently:

I cooked laksa for dinner on Sat... but I think it looks like a failure.

My study table since I moved house... table is rather messy... =P

The only bed in the house... have been sharing this bed with my mum since I moved

The sofa and my dining table... (more like my second study table)

The TV and the room with the bed

the kitchen...

Today I pray for friendship. Friendship is a very special relationship between two people. I wanna thank God today for providing me with such great friends. Even though I am "alone" in Australia, I know that they haven't forgotten me at all. So Lord, I pray that you'll grant them great health and happiness that they'll live each day to the fullest and treasure the life you've granted us. I also wanna pray for broken friendships to be healed, because friendship is the most unique gift you have given to two strangers. May all friendships be treasured. Amen.

Lessons learnt

2008-03-11T22:44:00.002+11:00

One month never update liao... finally got back internet... if not i'm about to die without internet soon... A lot of things happened within this month... During this period of time, I have learnt to grow. I've mature in my thinking and moral reasoning. I learn to understand others better, and to treasure the people around me more. I guess there would always be times like that in life whereby you think you are undergoing such tough times, that you actually forget to stop and appreciate the things around you. I think that sometimes, when you think you've lost something, God is actually trying to give you something better. Take for example, my conflict with my friends, even though everything seemed settled, our friendship is different now. But because I sort of felt out with my group, I learn to treasure more of my other friends around me that I haven't realised were always there for me. I reckon that all I should do now, is concentrate on my studies. But one thing that I've definitely picked up from these hard times is that, blessing sometimes comes in disguise. With all these experiences that I may be going through, it just makes me stronger and less vulnerable in life. This means that in future, I'll be able to face any problems. There is no problem in this world too big that you cannot solve. Just trying breaking them down into smaller problems that you can handle, and in no time, all the bricks on the wall of the problem would all fall off. And one more thing that I've gained from these experiences is such that I've learnt to not complain about the situation that I'm in, but rejoice in it. Well at least not everyone gets to go through what I am going through at the moment. And with that, I have revived my faith in God, and I definitely believe that He works in our life.

"God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, he will make a way for me. He will be my guide, hold me closely to his side, with love and strength for each new day, He will make a way, He will make a way."

This song was what brought me through this period of hardship(not exactly so much of a hardship though) but I just wanna encourage all out there reading my blog, that my dear friends, have faith in God. He definitely works in ways you cannot see... but that doesn't mean that he's not with you. I've always been strong because I know that there's only one pair of footsteps on the sand right now, as He has been carrying me. But now, He is walking beside me. I have now overcomed what I have seen as dark and gray clouds of my life, but now I see the rainbow.

One more thing, I admit that I had a breakdown last thursday. But I don't agree with what my friend said, she said that me crying was a form of weakness, but that's not what I see. I think that tears are a great way of relieving the uncontrollable emotions deep down in your heart. And they say that women live longer than men because we know how to let out our emotions. So, don't be afraid to cry. And next time when you see someone cry, don't ask them not to. Let them let it all out or you could even cry with them. Trust me, it helps.

I feel like such a moral teacher, but I wanna remember everything that I've learnt. I know that there would be lessons that I'll never forget, but just in case I am, at least I wouldn't forget because I typed it here. And also, anyone who bothers reading my blog could also share my precious teachings. If I had someone telling me all these at the very beginning, I might not have felt that bad, I guess. But it's through this that I can actually understand the teachings better.

Today I wanna pray for peace in the world, and most importantly, I wanna pray that all out there who are despair and weary, pray. God will be there for you, whether you know it or not. And lastly, I wanna thank God for always being there for me and giving me so much through this period of time. I wanna pray for all my friends, that they would also be thankful of the things around them. Amen.

another 'hard' day

2008-02-12T17:38:00.000+11:00

today is once again another 'hard' day. i dun noe y i chose the word 'hard' but it is not 'smooth'. okie crap and more crap. anyway today went to school really early cos had social justice. it is like my CCA. we help to raise funds for kids in africa suffering from AIDS or other problems etc. everytime i think of it, i definitely understand that i am much luckier than these kids. i get a home, i have a computer and internet in which i can type this blog, and of course having receive education that may have allowed me to have the wisdom to type this. okie getting a bit off track there. today was photo day. that means we took photos. lol like duh. yup then whole day never really do any work in school. i went with pamela to shop for some of her stuff at this asian convinence store downstairs. it is like i felt like buying some of the tidbits to make myself happy... but ended up not buying. when i reached home, i realised that my mum was at home. she isn't usually that early. but anyway that was because she received a lawyer letter from that bastard's lawyer today in her office. he is seriously a bastard. (sorry bout my language). he claimed so many asserts to be his. freakly not a gentleman. that's quite right, he isn't one anyway, he is an old beggar, that's what he claims he is, he claims that he has to beg for money, why don't he ask himself why did he transfer the asserts to my mum's name in the first place. if he had a choice, i am pretty sure he wouldn't. the most angry thing is that he claimed that the 'springbloom' condo that my mum and I purchased was his!!! OMG, of course it is ours, please, the assert was bought even before we knew him. i seriously dun understand why are there such bastards around!!! so angry!!! nono, shouldn't be angry cos i would have more wreakles, and dun wanna have more because of him. aiya. i feel so tired. God give me strength. Thank God for letting me know that i have friends who care for me, (i was really happy when i saw the tags... tag more often okie friends!!!)

Dear Lord, I pray today that all the rain would cast away for the rainbow. Let those who are despair have a shoulder to lean on, let those who are tired have a place to rest, let those who have no hope in life see the light in the darkness. amen.

yet another year

2008-02-11T18:37:00.000+11:00

happy new year to everyone!

a new year a new blogskin? nice not?

i believe that no matter when and where, family and friends always matters the most. i have been very depressed lately, depressed as in not that i think that everything around me is negative, but that i find it very hard to smile from the bottom of my heart. for no particular reason actually, i just think that life is so realistic. i will never forget those times that i was back in singapore. a little note, sms or even just a ring could cheer me up, but here, i find it so hard to be myself. i know that i am in there somewhere, but it is really deep down. all i desire now is to get through this year quickly and get back to singapore. i feel loved and cared for when i am in singapore, because i have family who would drive all the way out just because i said that i was craving for prawn hokkien mee, and i have friends who would spend the whole day with me just talking about anything under the Sun. that kind of feeling is so precious that nothing here can ever replace it.

actually bad things did happen to me. i hesitated whether to use the word 'bad' or not. but i guess it is not something very 'good' so the opposite to 'good' would be 'bad'. i once wrote in my diary that i think that i love watching dramas because it was a world that i could just be myself and had nothing to worry about. it is a world of me, myself and I. but back in the realistic world, i hesitate to make comments, or even say anything. anyway 'bad' things happened. i believe my close friends (only my close friends know about this blog) would have all received an email informing u that i've moved. moving into a new premises could meant good and could also meant bad. to be truthful, we were forced to move. my mom and stepdad is in the process of getting a divorce. it didn't matter if he was good to me or not, but he absolutely was no good to my family members, that included my mum of course. things are getting out of hand, all he thinks of is money money and money. i don't understand, how can money be such a great temptation that one's conscience could be eaten. he didn't even bother to attend the funeral of his father, not even pay his mother a visit when she was in the operating theatre. i really can't imagine, how can there be such heartless creature on earth. this time when i came back, we attempted to get some stuff from the house, and he just wouldn't let us in. that's the outline reason why we moved. he is already more than half-way through his life, why is money at this point of time more important than having a warmth family? i guess that's because many people have different perspective? anyway, something happened today that brought a wide smile upon my face. I received lifang's chinese new year card. --> see picture on the right. it is so pretty right. that's what i meant. only my family and friends in Singapore would care if i am good or not, only they would be worried if i was safe or not, or will that bastard just suddenly take a knife and kill us. he made my mum so terrified that she ran quickly to settle her will. i really don't know what i'll do when she's gone. i can't. i am NOT strong, i don't wanna be by myself. i wanna tear, but i don't wanna people to see my tears. But i trust God that He will bring me through all this. nothing matters more now than having the education i could possibly have.

Heavenly Father I pray today that you'll carry me through. I know that at this point of time, there's only a set of footprints on the sand. That's because u're carrying me and I'm not alone. I pray for the whole world, for anyone who needs your strength and support to bring them through the darkest point in their life. Amen.

2007-12-08T16:41:00.000+11:00

it is now 4.42pm as i type this entry. and my hand is shivering... not because it is cold... but because i have practically starved for 23hrs... i had dinner ytd at 5.42pm... and now i am having tom yum noodle for my breakfast cum lunch cum dinner. stillllllllllllllll hungry even though i am eating... LOL. i woke up today at around 9(alarmed myself to wake up... cos have to go library today..) early considering that it is a saturday + it is holiday some more... anyway then i bus-ed to bondi junction... left home at around 10.30am... reach there nearly 11.30am. went to the library, borrowed two books, renewed my library card then walked to office works and get a correction fluid and a plug so i can use my phone when i am back in singapore (because the power outlet thingie is different). then walked to bondi junction (like vivo i guess it should be even bigger)... first went to find mercedes(my friend) cos she worked there for like the 2nd day, then wanted to find sara at another shop but she was serving a customer. Luckily i went to easyway to get a middle bubble tea before going to Target... got some presents, almost shopped there for an hour, saw my maths extension 2 teacher... talked for a while then i cont'd shopping. got something for my two cousins, hope they would like it... after walk out of Target went to find Sara... it was nearly 2pm. She went to get lunch (didn't know why i didn't) then we went to find mercedes again. She had sweet and sour pork + fried rice for lunch... yumm... i should have ate something... shouldn't i? Today i spent the most money (i think) i ever could... bought a lot of stuff... i went out with $150 and came home with $25. i left bondi junction at like 3.20... reached home one hour later... fully tired, broke and hungry. i wouldn't even be left with that $25 if i got into Diva and got that three friendship necklace i finally found. Sorry yy and wf... but i got something that i think the both of u would like betta than that necklace... yy, i got u smthing that i never thought i would get... hope u would like it... anyway, i shopped the whole bondi junction until now my legs hurt, but my eyes are more tired. And now somemore eating instant noodle or else dun even have that $25. Aiyah the feeling of 'moneyless' is so bad... i am going to cont'd eat my 'breakfast cum lunch cum dinner' liao.

Dear Lord I pray today that you would grant the starving children food and the thirsty people water. I wanna thank you also for the fact that I am able to go home each day with food to eat and water to drink. I pray for the people who struggle even to survive and Lord, continue to teach us to be thankful and grateful for all that we have got. Amen.

yet another day...

2007-12-07T09:06:00.000+11:00

Long time no post liao. Today's my first day of holiday, so... ytd was the last day of school. *so like duh loh*
anyway, ytd was a pretty busy day for me, or should i use the word hectic. First, i had to carry the bike(big enough for a 12 yr old girl) over to the church which was like 5km away from my school. (even though there were ppl who helped, it was still heavy) At the mass, I first had to carry the Aboriginal flag in(just because i am an intercultural understanding prefect?). Then during the mass, i had to carry that bike from the back of the church to the altar, afterwhich i had to do a reading as follow: "Saturday, December 1st, was WORLD AIDS DAY. It is a day on which we remember those struggling with the HIV/AIDS virus. It is a disease found across the world, though particularly savage in its impact upon many African and other poor nations. We pray for all victim of AIDS - their families and friends. We pray too for a speedy and accessible cure for this disease. Lord hear us."
Then I had to carry the Aboriginal flag down the altar to the back of the church. Then walked to the front again to collect that bike and brought it back to school. it is so heavy that my muscles still hurts!!! It is aching as I am trying to type this, such a strain. Well then when we returned back to school, we had such an early lunch. Bus-ed to UNSW for the Annual Presentation Day, for which I helped out with some admin stuff. Shortly after, I sat down and waited for that Presentation to start. It was such a short wait, like 1hr and 20 min... Anyway, and then went up stage to collect my award, meant to get a certificate for 2nd in physics and equal 3rd in maths, it just wasn't in the plastic sleeves. But i also got an application to study(only for 1 GOOD student in the class LOL) in ancient history, chemistry and biology. Is that something to be proud of? LOL. well mummy came. so we had to try to find the car, and we went to the wrong carpark after climbing 6 stories. then walked a whole round to finally find the car parked in the 5th storey of another carpark. we probably walked the WHOLE uni, i assume. Ok, fully tired, thirsty and dehydrated(same thing), we went home. I had a gooooooooooodd sleep.
Plans for the holidays? Probably going to start doing my holiday homework, oh yeah ms king said this vacation wasn't holiday for us, it is 'flexi' time. that means working off the site. with the fact that yr 12 had already started (equivalent to JC2) at the last term of the academic year of 2007, there is no time for us to rest and relax because the HSC(equivalent to A levels) would be coming soon. Furthermore, since i would be returning back to Singapore soon, and that i have a really packed schedule, i doubt i would get a whole lot of work done. But i still hope i do...

Dear Lord I pray today, as i prayed for yesterday for you to heal with ur healing hands those suffering from the HIV/AIDS virus. I more so wanna pray for those who are away from home, those who are travelling, that you give them peace and so they would be able to have a safe trip to and from Sydney(or any parts of the world). I especially pray for Ms Murphy who would be heading for Tzaneen this christmas to aid the children who struggle each day from the impact of AIDS. I pray that even though we're away from home, we remember that our Father, the Lord would be anywhere with us, and guiding us ever so dearly. Amen.

2007-11-24T23:43:00.001+11:00

Yo! today is a day full of emotions. Even though it isn't my actual birthday, but i had the best birthday ever. Why is today a day full of emotions u may ask...? Well first i was suppose to meet my friend for lunch, shopping and movie at Bondi Junction(like Vivo) at 11am. then she said she would be 35 mins late. so i went shopping bought SOME stuff... then she came, we had lunch(thai lunch)... went to buy movie tickets for Death at the Funeral, and it was too early so we went to drink coffee and eat choc cake.. the movie is damn funny lah(highly recommended!!!) i laughed from the minute i entered the movie till the minute i left... that is so hilarious, it was. then after the movie we went semi-shopping. Then my aussie friends called and said that they ALL couldn't come. I was disappointed of course, but the friends who came made it such a memorable time for me!!! We had fantastic dinner... the most memorable thing is I was being dared!!! OMG my dare was to ask a stranger to supposedly sing happy birthday to me... but ended up saying only cos that person wouldn't sing of course lah.. in the public leh.. LOL.. then they got me a mango cake(force me to eat the whole thing for myself) i was so touched also when shikha and sonal came even though they had a family party after. It was not the presents that they gave me that made my day, it was their presence.

I thank God for everything that he has given me. I thank God for the fact that I've been living for nearly 17 years. God may you continue to bless your children as they grow older and wiser and I wish everyone who hasn't got someone to wish them happy birthday on their birthday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Amen.

rainbow after the storm

2007-11-14T11:21:00.000+11:00

I realised that there's always a rainbow after a storm...

I ACTUALLY PASSED MY CHEMISTRY... who would believe it? i got 17/20... LOL

maybe sometimes in life we just can't be too pessimistic at times.

today's a pretty good day... SOR assessment task done... all my science practs are over... (and that i ve passed all of them). I'll have a pretty good rest this week before i worked on my english and maths...

And I am counting down to the days that I've be in Singapore!!! Yeah...

Singapore... I AM COMING!!!~

May God grant hope to the people who are feeling hopeless, and desperate at the moment. May our lives always interconnect and that we'll affect each other positively. Amen.

depressed

2007-11-13T12:25:00.000+11:00

depressed. depressed. depressed.

just had my chemistry practical and am rotting in the library now...

suppose to do my homework but seriously can't be bothered.

i am such an idiot, how can i not do my practical CORRECTLY... simple titration also cannot do, i am such a moron.

DEPRESSED. DEPRESSED. DEPRESSED.

I WANT TO GO HOME!

I WANT TO GO BACK TO SINGAPORE!!!

ABOUT ONE MORE MONTH TO GO...

how can i wait?

how can i wait?

how can i wait?

May God Bless me that I'll be able to last through this really hard time with religion assessment due tomorrow and i am only 3/4 way through it... with 3 maths exam coming up... and an english assessment due. Lord I pray for your guidance and mercy that u'll grant me the wisdom and strength that i need to go through this period of time. May I also pray for all on Earth that are awaiting for the same aid from God and that we'll pull it through together.

oops... got kicked out

2007-11-07T18:38:00.000+11:00

okie.. me start talking about yesterday... i went to my teacher to check for my classroom for 2mr exam(which is today lah) then she say dun noe... so i say orh.. then walk out of her office.. few seconds later she walked out asked me if i wanted time off school.. then i gave her a "???" expression. today's my chinese HSC (that means like A level lah but i think much harder). then she at first said i could go home after lunch time... then i didn't know what to say, so was silent for that few seconds... after which she said, "nono, actually u can take the whole day off..." then i was happy but i said,"okie, i'll think about it" then rang my mum ask her whether want to come and fetch me or not (because i take an hour to reach home mah) then she say ok, then went home, call my friend come to my house to revise Chinese... we happily revise then before she left saw rainbow... very very nice...i added foto of it… actually is a whole rainbow but can’t take the whole thing cos too big… so then today had to go to school as usual because of my stupid physics praacticall… I think fail already lah, cos pract never even work, I crap my answer one (don’t say I teach one ar) lol.. so anyway then went to school stressed for the whole day finally finished my EXAM… should be happy, but feel a little weird, like I have been going to Chinese Saturday school for like 2 years, and now this Saturday suddenly don’t need to go liao, so weird.. I know I very weird lah… but I like going to school w/o uniform and having a totally different atmosphere for studying loh.

Okie talk about last week bah… last Friday something BIG happened to me. I saved all my work in my memory disk mah(those portable ones)… I have a free period in school on Friday so I went to the library to do my work lah… forgetful me forgot to take my memory disk off the laptop, so I just went to maths class without my memory disk.(btw my memory disk is attached to my locker and house keys) then after maths is lunch time so had to go to my locker to collect my lunch… BUT realized that I forgot my keys so I went to the library to get it… this girl at my laptop said she gave it to the librarian so I went to get it.. until Sunday, I wanted to do my project then I opened my memory disk… and guess what? MY WORK’S ALL GONE… I had 5 folders in my memory disk.. one for 2006,2007,and one that said “year 12 2007-2008” and two other that read my pictures and my songs… obviously any literal would not delete the “year 12 2007-2008” one right? But some idiots obviously did.. so now have to re-do my projects… ADD OIL for me bah!

that's all for today.

May God bless the poor, the homeless and those who desire to have a home. Pray for those who hasn't never seen rainbow that the rainbow they see would bring them hope. Amen

depressed

2007-09-18T15:57:00.000+10:00

don't know if anyone would be reading today's post... but i don't know why i just felt like blogging today... i haven't blogged for a while... actually i dun think i am even supposed to be online blogging now... i just finished my Maths Extension Paper... and it explains why i am super duper depressed. I was like ??? when i saw the paper... the exact word: shocked and stunned. I dun noe how to tell my mother when she asks... she has cooked all the good food for me this week because it is my exam week. I dun noe why i didnt know how to do the questions just now... and i did revise maths yesterday night and this morning before the paper.... but non of those information that registered in my brain was tested today. Tomorrow's another Maths Paper... i dun noe if i can still maintain my first considering how depressed I am... I only know that if i don't get first... i am probably stupid, but most importantly I would let my mum down. Actually I don't understand why asians view aussies as stupid... cos no matter how 'smart' I try to be, there would always be someone there to remove me of my place to get first... I am worth no place in this world I guess... sometimes I wonder if I would see a rainbow when I stare out into the sky... but well we know that's impossible... Maybe God's angry at me... for i dun noe what reason, but i only know that if I can't do well for my exams, i am worth nothing...

God I pray this day, I might be selfish, but i really need, luck and wisdom, most importantly, Lord, grant me peace. And at this moment I just wanna cont'd to pray for those kids who don't even get a chance to school. Lord, teach me to be thankful, teach me to be the best that I can be. Amen

st. clare's day

2007-08-23T23:44:00.000+10:00

today is st. clare's day...

our theme is HOLLYWOOD so we could wear mufti... i wore cheongsam.. LOL... ppl said i was cute.. well thanks peeps... HAHA well my team was in charge of the chinese restaurant... our sales was really good we earned like $388.20. and the good thing was we didn't get any leftovers... But we're all very tired... i slept when i came home for like 4 hours LOL... and i dreamt that i was back in Singapore... such a nice dream, but dreams are always awakened by reality, cos the phone rang. i miss singapore, but i felt happy today. I felt as though i was back to Sabrina that just came here... we had fun, my team worked well, and the whole st. clare's day was a success! Good work to all the yr 11s, we ROCK!~

May God bless the Youth on the streets that would be receiving our donations from today's activities... and pray that God grant us energy because we are all weary from today. God Bless ALL!~

i am depressed

2007-08-12T23:16:00.001+10:00

i am depressed yet again. today's christine's 'sweet' seventeenth surprise party. why did i have to organise it? i m just a busybody. look at me. all my game ideas are like shit. they were totally bored out by it. HAHA. even if i disappeared from the party, i guess they wouldn't have realised. i regretted having this party today. now i lost all the confidence in planning for my own party. I wished my singapore friends were beside me. I never seem to feel so insignificant before. I never once had to feel that my existence actually didn't really matter. How silly was I to think that I made an impact on the lives of my friends here. I just realised that I'm nothing. I'm nothing at all. I really feel so much like a donut girl now. Many friends seems to be surrounding my empty heart. In my life, I wonder how many true friends I really have. Seems like whenever I am depressed or even just troubled, it is the s'pore friends that I think of. HazLL. U're rite. there's no point in being so nice to others becos they start to take it for granted. They are starting to think that everything that I do is nothing and that I've to do them. why am i always the one sacrificing? why does no one actually treasure what i do? am i just being silly or what? I really don't feel like going to school tomorrow. i feel so ashamed to see them, or even i don't know how to face them. I don't know how to face a bunch of people without sense of gratitude. fine, I am the mean one. i don't really care.

God, this day I pray, that you would be with me. Lord I pray that u would light up my paths with friends, friends that I can sincerely look thru and lean on. Whenever I need a shoulder to cry on, I only get the bed. Whenever I need a friend to be with me thru my depressed moment, I find that I'm always alone. So Lord, I pray that you would grant me patience and love and learn to be more and more like your son, Jesus.

a day to be remembered

2007-08-07T17:10:00.000+10:00

haha... updates again... lol... me and ika didn't mention anything about yesterday... so everything sounds alrite... hopefully everything would be alrite... today in biology, we dissected sheep's kidney... we secretly took photos in class... (opps..) quite an unforgettable experience, our group was quite successful in dissectin the kidney into half and seeing what we have to see. haha. pammy was a little grossed out at first, where she kept saying omitofo(the buddhist chant) lol, then she ended up pretty well with the sheep's kidney although she still isn't too positive about it.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v601/misty_rainbow/k010.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v601/misty_rainbow/k007.jpg

here's the fotos we secretly took. seems like more dissecting is to come. LOL... but because of this I am more determine that I want to be a forensic... hopefully dissecting human bodies wouldn't be too bad (well i sound kind of psycho*)

Thank God that things didn't turn out too bad between me and IKA and may the Lord bless the HIV/AIDS kids in Tzaneen, Africa.

wad to do?

2007-08-06T16:44:00.000+10:00

i haven't blog for a while... but something happened today that gave me the urge to blog.
There are just too many things in life that are unpredictable. yesterday i was just going thru the PPT that hazy and esther prepared for me b4 I came to Australia. Hazy said that i shouldn't be too nice to people and then today I had a conflict with someone because I was too nice to ppl. well maybe it is only me that thinks that I have done everything for the good of the group. for the first time i heard someone saying to me, that I am selfish, and that I am doing everything and not giving a thought to their feelings. Well the story is we, christine, deirdre, ika, pamela and myself are in Yr 11 and all Yr 11s have to set up a store for St. Clare's Day. We, the asian group, decided to set up a chinese restaurant. there are just too many things that we have to do. i was voted for the group leader, at least I didn't vote for myself it was 4/5 who wanted me to be the leader. and knowing that they do not like to do so many things, I put in quite a bit of effort into putting things together. I am not saying that they aren't helping, they do. and i haven't seen any problem until today, when IKA told me that I didn't think for our group, and I made too many decisions by myself. In my memory most of the time we discussed about everything that needs to be done for the restaurant and if we have diff. opinion we would do voting. I think I am being rather democratic. am i really that bad? having organised everything, in return I don't get thanks, i get to say sorry to people. haha. as if i can laugh now... actually during the bus ride home, i have decided to write her an apology letter. I don't wanna lose a friendship just because of this s-t-u-p-i-d st. clares thing. If saying S-O-R-R-Y would solve problems, i don't mind bein the one who have to say it. but hopefully it would really solve the problem. and i think she misunderstood when I said in biology that she didn't need to come for the meeting this sunday, just come for the surprise party that we're organising secretly for christine's seventeenth birthday. the thing is she has to go to church and she said she would only be at my house at 1pm. But I am just worried that by the time we get everything settled for the chinese restaurant, then it would run too late and christine might want to go home before dark. Ika said that she only gets to see her church friend once in a week and wants to spend time with them so she can't come at 12pm. I was planning to have it at 12pm because there aren't much to get thru and the earlier we get over it, the more time we get to spend with christine for her b'dae right? it makes sense for me to say that Christine only has her birthday once a year and only turns 17th once in her life right? There are just so many conflicts in my mind. At the same time that I think I didn't do anything wrong, I have to admit that I have. But what to do? If i have to be the one 'sacrificing' then God please give me strength and guidance that this problem would be solved soon.

May God Bless the conflict and that I would solve it soon. May God guide Ika into sense, and remind her that nothing should harm our friendship. God, please give me strength, I am selfish today to only be asking for blessings for myself, but God I really need you to be there for me and I know you are. Amen.

HARRY POTTER!!!

2007-07-24T16:46:00.000+10:00

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS IS FINALLY OUT!

haha. sounded like i was some kindaff long-term fan of harry potter. well, i have started harry potter since i was quite little as much as i can remember. it came out on 21st July. the day i decided to re-read the whole series of harry potter and see how long i would actually take to finish the whole series in ONE go. on 21st Jul, Sat i finished Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone, on Sunday, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and yesterday, i finished Harry Potter and the prisoner of azkaban. Pretty pround of myself considering the thickness of the book. many people would have thought I haven't been doing my work, i have actually been doing more work than I can imagine in my life. lol. as a matter of fact, I seem to feel like life is more fulfilled with a goal in mind, because everyday while I am doing my homework I have a reason to complete my hw with passion because of the harry potter books lying on my table. okok. have been rumbling about HARRY for such a long time, let's talk a bit about my one week's life.

last wed, i finally sent HAZEL's and WEIYUN's snail mail... they should have receive it by now. Had dance practice for the Athletics Carnival cheer competition the next day... OMG.... we came first for cheers!!! So proud of ourselves. I called back to some singapore friends on friday, chatted with them. Although I always tell myself that I have to get on with life here, but the thought that I have friends in singapore who are constantly missing me just feels so good. BEcause it is with them that I can be my usual self. I AM COUNTING DOWN TO GOING HOME!!! one less week since I last updated! oh, and saturday of course, the book came out. Brought my mum to Eastgardens for like the first time of her life and she was like so delighted. It was fully a shopping paradise for her. we had KFC for lunch, haven't had that for ages. then have been diligently working on my homework.

another day of post: WELL today is to me, still 31st July although it is already 12.50am. haven't had time to bring myself to blogger to tag. hope my friends will tag more often. actually i don't rmb what happened after sunday. I haven't been reading harry potter but finally finished book 4 yesterday i think. 1 week more... haha... too much stuff to be done last week, now i am moving on to the fifth book. got to get on with my work now... sometimes or another I might blog again... but as for now i have to do my ancient history task... *charr and maggie decided to drop 3unit maths to do 2 unit today, wish them all the best in their new class*

May God bless jolene, giving her strength and guidance for her heavy workload, may the Lord grant great sale for tomorrow's social justice's cake sale and I've a meeting at lunch time. I NEED A BREAK.... may God grant me peace to complete all I have to get done by next week which is heaps and esp. my trials on saturday!

Back to ScHooL

2007-07-17T16:48:00.000+10:00

once again, the holidays are over!~ first day back to school, how does it feel? well i wished i was home. not that i didn't want to study, it was just that it was freezing cold today... u just wouldn't believe it. my hands were like ice/numb most of the time. haven't reach home at this time since the start of hols. now i finally understand what it means by home is warmth. The wearing of at least three layers up and down is just too overwhelming for my body used to super hot weather. lol. but the thought of the heat back home does make me dread going home. But the fact is, I AM MISSING HOME. maybe because i saw pamela and deirdre in class today. lol. pamela got me this cute little pink* pooh bear book. it was so cute. and deirdre got me this pink* and blue coloured pens from POPULAR. and most of the teachers seem to have travelled this hols. the mention of planes- omg- i wished i was in one. but i can do it! i am sure i can last till then.

wow, it has been one week already. one week since i last laid my fingers on blogger. not really actually. i sort of created the my family website, but just as i thought, no one really used it. lol. back to our original subject, the fact that it has been one week means that i have one week less to go home. ^know wad i mean?^ lol. it is the counting down to HOME SWEET HOME. LOL. okie so wad did i do in this one week. i was going to go for lunch with my darling last wednesday, i shld have gone wif her on tues, cos she ended up having some kindaff skin allergy and had to stay home. well so wed i was at home AGAIN. on thurs, i went to watch harry potter. they told me not to tell lauren and sara. seems like something happened the previous wednesday when they went to the city because that sounded like y they didn't want the both of them to meet and have a big fight. so me not going that wednesday did sound like a good choice... lol. then we had ice cream. okie, have to emphasize, it wasn't that cold then. so ice cream was good. then i was going to go K on friday, Angela said she couldn't make it. so stayed home ONCE AGAIN. saturday i went for the FORENSIC seminar as i always wanted to. i gain heaps more than that of monday. considering to do a double degree.... lol... let's see about it. okie then had steamboat that night. i went shopping at Bondi Junction on Sunday, bought attire for the carnival coming thursday. yesterday stayed home and tidied my folder, round up hw and getting ready for school.

as usual, holidays are always a fabulous time to catch up on sleep, on hw, but for me, drama series are my best campanions esp during the cold chilly winter. i finished SUMMER X SUMMER a.k.a 热情仲夏. it was alrite, but the female character looked cuter with 亚瑟王 in 终极一班(KO ONE). OMG, love that show. i think i watched it like 3 times. some of my fav scenes i watched like 5 times. lol. can't wait for 终极一家(KO TWO) to come out!!! maybe that's why i started to like 飞轮海 and watched so much of them on reality shows. then last hols or maybe the previous i didn't finish 剪刀石头布 so i almost finished it this hols except the last ep. i might do so either this wkend or later if i finish ALL my hw(which is kindaff impossible.)

was cold in school today. but as i mentioned my folder... lol, now i have 5 subjects in one folder (eng, chem, bio, phy and sor) ... i rmb the first term i had a folder for every single subject, then term two i changed to two subjects to one folder and finally now i am using five in 1... lol... aiyah... still so cold. just now i still walked a few streets to find a postbox, then couldn't find. hopefully tmr i rmb to post out the letters when i find a postbox.

May God bless the weather, pray that the homeless will have a shelther of some sort and that i can find a postbox soon, May God bless all the sick because of the weather (esp. IKA) and the coming week for me. = )

2007-07-10T11:29:00.000+10:00

well... let's continue the story from last tues... i ended up not going...我骗她们说我发烧，是不是很可恶啊？ even i think i am. there are just so many things that i don't tell ppl. not that i don't wanna tell ppl, it is just that not many ppl will understand. wow, so fast 1 week already, but i've done almost nothing. just finish watching A LOT of drama series, from jap to taiwan to tvb shows. lol. but nvm, this week should be a hectic week for me. and YEAH.... HARRY POTTER MOVIE is coming soon. really soon. yesterday i went for Bio Futures NSW 2007. It was tiring, or should i say boring but making friends are the best part. But if i didn't go, i wouldn't have seen the brochure regarding 'Inside the Forensic World' seminar for the coming saturday which i would be going. well woke up at 7am ytd, very long time never wake up so early already. lol. then went to UTS but luckily i never get lost. haha. saw charr the first thing i entered the door. lol. then collected our name tag, shirt and goodie bag(where the brochure was inside) and morning tea. then we played ice breakers with our team. i think my team ppl quite nice. then we went for the opening, as usual boring introduction before we took the coach and headed for Garvan Institution, not that bad... then we had lunch in the bus then drove to BioClone. SUper super boring, the ppl are like advertising their firm more than anything else, don't see what has it got to do wif science. then then then, went back to UTS and listen to two sessions, one regarding marine and something to do with ballast water and the other is to do with proteins... some proteomics workshop thingie. i thot there would be forensic workshop but in the end, DON'T HAVE. then we had hypothetical discussion whereby we had to represent RUSSIA and stand its legislation regarding stem cell research and reasons FOR or AGAINST it. well my team wasn't as serious as the other teams who were like fully desperate to win smthing. but like we came second. how amazing. then got more talks before we took fotos and then home sweet home. i went for JAP cuisine with my mum afterwards. and althot i was tired, i still managed to finish making our family site. slept at like 3.30am then i dun noe y i set the alarm for 9.30am to wake up. the minute after my alarm went off, the home fone rang. then darling was gonna ask me to go out for lunch today instead of tomorro but was really really tired. but well, i called to booked for saturday for the seminar so most probably am going! so... i m going to have my brunch now... SO SO SO hungry~~~

God bless the world, God bless biotechnology, God bless the friends i made yesterday and of course all my friends and family and bless the food i m about to eat.

好烦啊！

2007-07-03T22:10:00.000+10:00

好烦啊！

明天到底去不去？
我并不是不想和他们外出，只是第一：现在是冬天，我的WINTER CLOTHINGS 又不多，穿来穿去就那几件，他们不觉得我闷，我也会觉得无趣。第二：跟他们出门也不见得会有相同的话题聊，那我真的宁愿待在家里看戏，可是这样好像又很无情，就如他们所言，有什么比友谊更重要呢？我总不能无情无义吧？第三：我每次在外用餐就会肚子不舒服，不吃又会饿。还有第四：我的暑假作业还没做，如果明天出去，那就少了一天。虽然我明天即使在家也不见得会做的。
唉呀，我明天到底该不该去呢？？？怎么办？现在离明天约定的时间还有14个小时又28分钟。好吧，就扔硬币来决定。头就去，尾就不去。

结果。。。

结果真的是。。。头！

命中注定我必须去，我还是想想明天要穿什么吧。。。

我妈就像小孩子一般，每晚睡觉之前都得跟我抢洋娃娃才肯去睡觉。每次都好像在打仗一样，虽累但心里总有一丝丝甜蜜的感觉。也许是因为我失去父爱好久了，总是希望能有个完整的家庭，但我知道那是不可能的。那也大概就是为什么我老爱看戏吧。老爱幻想自己是那单亲家庭长大的女主角，不过说真的，每一个人都是自己生命里的男女主角，有时也会想逃离那残酷的现实当中。但是，身边那些家人朋友的呵护却能让我们勇敢的面对现实不是吗？

喜欢我BLOG的歌吗？是~一公升的眼泪~里的歌哦！今天凌晨终于看完了~一公升的眼泪~。好感人的日剧喔！本小姐大力推荐！！！

愿上帝保佑那残酷的现实，但也保佑这温馨的世界吧！

long long time no see

2007-07-01T15:21:00.000+10:00

HOW LONG HAVEN'T I UPDATED MY BLOG AR???

I wonder too. about 2 weeks maybe. i dun really rmb what my life has been like. school days are always like that. study. study. and more study. this few days has been quite 'interesting' not really, althot it is the hols. i finally got my license for Ls... that means i can finally start learning how to drive. and ytd i went to darling's KPO concerto competition. she was very pretty(well she always is) and also, she played well. althot i dun noe music, but i didn't tink the person who won deserved it. lol. DARLING JIA YOU!~ althot u never win, but i think u did the best~~~~~ oh and ytd was an unforgettable nite too. maybe because it was too cold or smthing like that, my mum's car couldn't start up. so we got NRMA to come and try to fix it. it was freezin cold. well, then they said that it was very serious and smone needs to TOW the car away. how serious!~!~ we waited for AUNTIE AILEEN to come and get us, then we followed the tow truck while it towed away our car... was tired. but luckily everything ended well, and the car servicing ppl tried to do smthing abt the car today. and then we went to SIZZLER for lunch today. dun really have the appetite. feel like eating but then didn't feel like eating. (dun even noe if it makes sense) hols has gone by for a week now. i have 2 more weeks left and i haven't even started my hw. and i also need to study and organise my notes becos when the school term offically starts i m going to be very busy. so wish that i would have the strength and energy to perservere. HOPE I CAN GET SMTHING DONE!!! hols started wif me going to watch OTHELLO... nice play but like... it is just not my cup of tea... lol. i still prefer taiwan drama series.
wf: i noe that there is a show called 换换爱. i watched it too haha. but now i am watching 1 litre of tear(jap show) very touching, very very nice. b4 that for the week i watched 富豪刑事. it is about this rich girl she went to become CID... very interesting also. lol.
and the day before i went to watch OTHELLO, deirdre, hannah, pamela flew off. so envy them. i wish i was back in singapore too... missing my friends and family.

May God bless my family and friends. May God bless the weather. May God bless my self-discipline. God bless the earth!~

confusion and disruption

2007-06-16T12:54:00.001+10:00

what kindaff mood do i have to write today's blog...

happy?... not fully... sad? no reason...

haven't blog for days... since tuesday...wow.. how time flies... i didn't even realise that i haven't blog for like 3 days. well i had chem test on wed.. sucks, it was so so so hard. then i had maths extension, felt that i couldn't really do them. am such a failure. seriously. then pamela came to my house to watch ~THE WEDDING BANQUET~ and helped me with my speech for today. we did have fun... she was here to like past 9pm... then it was raining really heavily on thurs. surprisingly my mum came to fetch me... didn't remember doing anything... have been watching hana kimi. well, i know a lot of ppl say that the ending is not nice.. but i think it depends on each individual. had a boring long assembly. on friday... what did i do yesterday??? well we had a farewell assembly for ms richie because she is leaving and we performed our dance for the carnival and the music stuffed up as usual. damn embarrasing. then ms hill was away... so was price... slack whole lesson doing nothing. lol. christine is still the same. her msn nick today is "I hate to say diz but u guys treat me as shits! Im gettin tired n sick of it! dont jugde me n stop picking on me!!" she is alwaes venting her anger... like holding on to her emotions really really well. as in she doesn't wanna tell us what is wrong. i noe we have been teasing her for being pregnant... but like who doesn't noe it is a joke. even though we might wanna change, but sometimes becos we are so use to it, we just can't help but say that. i m seriously sorry. her msn nicks usually reflects alot. heard from pamela that she wrote smthing like "did i make a wrong decision of coming to OZ" the other day. i know it gets fustrating like with the thought of missing home. everyone is alwaes complaining about returing back to home. GEES i have been here for like nearly two years... true that i've been back twice, but i don't keep mentioning it everyday. their attitude just makes me miss my family and friends back there even more. i feel very lonely here. i may look as if i have friends that crowd around me... but when i do need smone to talk to... i can't... i can't find anyone to speak out my heart to. or just that i cant open up my heart to the ppl around me... i wanna, but how am i to do that when like everyone closes the door to their heart in front of me. i feel helpless. i know that my life is good... but i hate being lonely. i hate when everything i do is not bein appreciated and am doubt instead. i hate ppl alwaes thinking that the world is only surrounded around them. WHERE IS MY WORLD??? where is my life??? i can't tell anyone becos i don't wan anyone to know that i have a weak side of me. but i do. i don't wanna have to be smiling everyday. it is so tiringly. i know that we can alwaes choose to look on the bright side of life. but if u haven't been thru darkness, how are u going to appreciate light? why am i crying? i wonder how many ppl actually know that i have tears. i weep. i can feel sorrow. but the ppl around are alwaes showing off their perfection or anything good, or complaining about the bits and pieces of weakness. DOES ANYONE EVEN CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL? i caught the bus wif mim and lana ytd. i know they are my friends and are true to me. i feel sorry for not giving their present on wednesday but that is because the necklace i wanna give them broke. but i don't like it how they are alwaes mentioning about guys. i have no prejudice against guys.. it is just that i like hanging out wif girls because we can talk about more stuff. that is a girl's world. i just don't understand why ppl like showing off about their bf so much. i don't like the way they are alwaes pressurizing me. no one knows. no one would ever understand how much i am still trying to fit in. i alwaes enjoy when i m alone. because i don't have to put up a mask, i can be MYSELF. the self that doesn't have to be responsible for anyone. still raining outside heavily, making my heart seem even darker and heavier, but maybe becos i didn't really do well for my speech today. and tonight auntie aileen, laura, auntie hui sian, uncle lesley, their daughters deirdre and hannah would be coming over for steamboat. and i have to write my written exchange too. kindaff tired now. going for nap.

May God bless the weather, grant Christine the strength to carry on in OZ, God bless the many negative thoughts in the world and that ppl would not bottle them in their hearts for it to convert into negative behaviours...
*i just have to vent it all out before i get depression* VENTED @ - 1.24pm

P.S: u guys have jay chou's song on their blog...(should know who u are) so i changed mine too. it is suppose to fit in with me feeling down today.

2007-06-12T20:05:00.000+10:00

finally back to school after 4 days w/o classes... actually i went to class on saturday for chinese... so... nvm.. but not actually sit in a class from 8.30-3 plus listening to different classes... so today was quite drained out of energy.. promise myself an early nite today.. i have maths extension exam tomorrow... woke up rather early today considering that i havent woken up that early for the past few days... i went for social justice... just found sm info on st vincent de paul... went for physics.. went thru questions... nothing really hard... then was the dance practice at tutorial... music stuffed up.. alex is going to Europe for 5 weeks today... wishing her a safe journey... went to bio... she was gonna set up a video but didn't work... so we did heaps of dictating... uhm... then had recess.. i had mandarin... (as usual).. went to english really tired but i survived.. she gave us HW again.. not surprise... then had chem.. we completed the pract.. oh ya.. i have pract exam tmr.. so much luck needed tmr... then had lunch.. i had carrot cake... before going for dance practice.... it was alrite... had ancient in the library, lizzy was away... i went to maths... did revision for maths ext exam tmr... we got back our advanced paper... (I GOT EQUAL FIRST)... i don't know where my maths pp is.. hope i can find it tmr.. on the way back i smsed my mum to tell her the good news.. we arrived home at the SAME time... she went to get the tapes/shows and dinner we had pork... don't remember since when the day before maths i always get pork... haha... but smtimes it works... that explains my size.. blame the no. of maths test we get.. lol... then was watching a while of tv today.. did my hw not finished though.. found this website that can dw tvb music... but can only dw a few a day... haha, reasonable.. g2g shower and concentrate on practising maths.. wish me luck!~

God Bless the exams tmr... God bless sonal, sarah and everyone away from school today... God Bless the homeless... God Bless the community :D

queen's b'dae

2007-06-11T21:21:00.000+10:00

another day without school... hanging around at home doing nothing.. haha.. actually not really... i woke up at like 11am... was gonna ask mummy if she wanted to go to Sizzler.. and then she go marketing and i would be left alone at home and enjoy freedom... then i realise she already came back.. so well... then she said wanted to do some work b4 going out so i went to try to do my hw which i have been trying to do for 4 days but sadly, none has been done. Then we went to Sizzler... there was a queue there... but finally got a sit... so all was good, i ordered sizzling prawns and my mum swiss chicken.. then came back was kindaff tired... mum went to salon with auntie aileen... i finally completed my physics pract.. suppose to do my chem, but don't feel like it becos i don't really know how to do them. then bio also.. so left with practising for maths which i eventually, hopefully will do tonite. oh... i haven't finish my ancient ws either.. will do them after i go for shower... mum came back and cooked fish head soup and then now she is gone with auntie aileen for coffee... so some peace now at home... i feel really useless becos i alwaes have so much to do but i just don't get them done... I HAVE TO CHANGE MYSELF...!!!
God bless my discipline... God bless the night... oh and i got to have an early nite today cos i have Social Justice tmr... God bless the world!~

no pathetic fallacy

2007-06-10T21:20:00.000+10:00

well... i had a late night yesterday... woKE up near noon today and went for Macs... came home was gonna get some work done but wasn't in the mood... so watched 100% Senorita again... then it was like near 5.30 and i went to shower to prepare to go for dinner at Randwick. all was good... matthew, char, nic was there... then came david... shortly after mim, lana... and yeah.. we were walking walking walking... and lana said she saw shikha and so we waited for her and so was the 8 of us. how happy... but we couldn't decide where to dine... walk here... walk there... walk until my legs hurt... moreover i was wearing my high heels boots... no complain just that it was tiring.. didn't work out... so we caught a bus to Coogee. Didn't tell my mum.. well we were still deciding what to eat and it was getting late.. i thot maybe i should tell my mum... and so like we could extend the night or smthing... we decided to buy whatever and go to the beach... apparently mummy didn't allow.. i feel like a bitch. well as a matter of fact. i am. so what? i understand... with the stormy weather... it was just a precaution she had to take to ensure her daughter would be alive. disappointed that i wouldn't be able to spend the rest of the night wif them, but not for my honesty. AT LEAST I DIDN'T LIE.... hope they have a great nite... i don't feel like doing anything...

pray that someone would enlightened me!~ God bless them... bless the weather... bless the waters... and bless me... lol.. well guess others need it more!~ AMEN.

drastic change

2007-06-10T00:34:00.000+10:00

finally knew that my blog could be accessed once again.. rather surprised.. well probably would start blogging... it was the start of the long wkend on friday... so like yesterday my babies came over to my house and we completed EVERYTHING for st.clare's day... so proud of us! and then i had quite a late night so was quite tired today for chinese... today's raining again. Sydney's weather has just been (no words to describe).. like many ppl died and so on... and it is making it so hard to go to bed at night becos of the noise... and like it is cold.. but when i went shopping at westfield i was so HOT pls... but anyway came home had a good nap for like 4 hours.. hehe and then had dinner. Lana and Mim called me to discuss about their dinner party tmr.. hope it all goes well.

May God bless the weather!~

first posting again...

2007-04-11T18:36:00.000+10:00

well, i've always been posting but blogger failed me again.. so i decided to try again!~

it's now the holidays so it is a great time to restart my blog...

well, i'm going to start from tuesday... which is ytd... alana and mim came over to my house for swim, we had noodles for lunch(my mum cooked), then watched Brother Bear before going down to the pool. guess what... there was a huge spider and we didn't dare to swim over to that side of the pool. It was freezing cold when we got out of the waters.

today is quite a fun day... because we are setting up a restaurant for st.clare's day, we had a meeting today... we had lunch, discuss about the restaurant... we even previewed the scenario for that day.... to practice how everything is going to work... and then we were watching tv before they had to go home..

today's a good day and i've to work tomorrow... looking forward!~

*God bless the holidays*