my rainbow vector bliss.
this is : lala.blogspot.com
rainnnnnbow vector.
all glen's idea.
=3
glen's awesome at advising. haha.
so, I just got back from camp, & boy, it was fun.
so, I decided to make a new skin. ;]
not sure if this will score but yeah.
navigations on top. =)
Friday, July 18, 2008
about:
Sentimental today
author:name here
I've moved...
Actually not to a strange environment... it's only my house before, only I had to move away because my ex-stepdad wouldn't let us into the house...
Even though it is not something very proud to say but well, my mum has been divorced for the second time in her life. I started asking myself, what is everlasting love?... does it exist...? What have I done wrong in my life that I can't have a father... Not even a few years of his love... He was there with me only when my memory wasn't that clear to me, or was it because I choose not to remember them... He tried to kill me, and my ex-stepdad for now, threatened to kill my mum. Everything in my life just seem so wrong.
As I am moving house, I was flipping through my diary that I wrote when I was little, and homework actually made me tired... and it wasn't that much at all... LoL.
I know understand what it means to know little is actually fortunate... The lesser we know, the less we have to worry for, and there wouldn't be so much worries in front of us.
I was reading through a few of my Singapore friends' blog today, and I realised that I have been so stupid. Why?
Their lives have moved on...
But mine hasn't.
I seem to still be living in November 2005... Where all my friends matter to me... but to them, I am nothing more than a friend in memory.
It's great that I ring them sometimes, and if I don't, we seem to lose touch...
'Friends' is a very strange word...
But what means more is not friend but the friendship that is being shared by two friends. I've not received much letters/emails/calls/much contact from them.
Am I still important in their lives?
I know there are bound to people who would shout out: Of course!
But I know better than anyone that they just wanna make me feel better. Even though sometimes I regret coming to Australia, but at least I am not as stressed out as them as to think that studies is the most important thing in life. I know definitely that studies are important, but there are so much more that I think means to me.
Family, Friends and most of all, my dream.
My dream is to travel to developing countries to spread the love around... I know better how it feels to be without a father... and even if my mum is still around, I'll never forget living under someone else's roof and only getting to see her once a week... and more than anything else, when she was working with my ex-stepdad, she would leave a note and maybe some money and tell me that she was going overseas for work...
I love my family a lot!
And I am considering whether I wanna study forensics in Uni... or should I stick to the medical course, so that my family can be proud of me?
Even though my mum is with me almost every second now, but her presence seems to be a bother for me, but when she isn't around, I've to worry about whether she is safe or not... How contradicting can a human get?
Well family and friends...
They mean a lot to me...
But I don't.
How weird.
I seem to get very sentimental nowadays... My tears fall very easily and my smiles are hard to come by... Is there anyone out there who can bring laughter back into my world?
Heavenly Father, I pray today that more love can be spread around in this world. Bring more families together, and less war in the world. Let the world hear ur words, and feel ur almighty love. May I be a useful child in ur eyes... Don't take me away so soon...