my rainbow vector bliss.
this is : lala.blogspot.com
rainnnnnbow vector.
all glen's idea.
=3
glen's awesome at advising. haha.
so, I just got back from camp, & boy, it was fun.
so, I decided to make a new skin. ;]
not sure if this will score but yeah.
navigations on top. =)
Saturday, June 16, 2007
about:
confusion and disruption
author:name here
what kindaff mood do i have to write today's blog...
happy?... not fully... sad? no reason...
haven't blog for days... since tuesday...wow.. how time flies... i didn't even realise that i haven't blog for like 3 days. well i had chem test on wed.. sucks, it was so so so hard. then i had maths extension, felt that i couldn't really do them. am such a failure. seriously. then pamela came to my house to watch ~THE WEDDING BANQUET~ and helped me with my speech for today. we did have fun... she was here to like past 9pm... then it was raining really heavily on thurs. surprisingly my mum came to fetch me... didn't remember doing anything... have been watching hana kimi. well, i know a lot of ppl say that the ending is not nice.. but i think it depends on each individual. had a boring long assembly. on friday... what did i do yesterday??? well we had a farewell assembly for ms richie because she is leaving and we performed our dance for the carnival and the music stuffed up as usual. damn embarrasing. then ms hill was away... so was price... slack whole lesson doing nothing. lol. christine is still the same. her msn nick today is "I hate to say diz but u guys treat me as shits! Im gettin tired n sick of it! dont jugde me n stop picking on me!!" she is alwaes venting her anger... like holding on to her emotions really really well. as in she doesn't wanna tell us what is wrong. i noe we have been teasing her for being pregnant... but like who doesn't noe it is a joke. even though we might wanna change, but sometimes becos we are so use to it, we just can't help but say that. i m seriously sorry. her msn nicks usually reflects alot. heard from pamela that she wrote smthing like "did i make a wrong decision of coming to OZ" the other day. i know it gets fustrating like with the thought of missing home. everyone is alwaes complaining about returing back to home. GEES i have been here for like nearly two years... true that i've been back twice, but i don't keep mentioning it everyday. their attitude just makes me miss my family and friends back there even more. i feel very lonely here. i may look as if i have friends that crowd around me... but when i do need smone to talk to... i can't... i can't find anyone to speak out my heart to. or just that i cant open up my heart to the ppl around me... i wanna, but how am i to do that when like everyone closes the door to their heart in front of me. i feel helpless. i know that my life is good... but i hate being lonely. i hate when everything i do is not bein appreciated and am doubt instead. i hate ppl alwaes thinking that the world is only surrounded around them. WHERE IS MY WORLD??? where is my life??? i can't tell anyone becos i don't wan anyone to know that i have a weak side of me. but i do. i don't wanna have to be smiling everyday. it is so tiringly. i know that we can alwaes choose to look on the bright side of life. but if u haven't been thru darkness, how are u going to appreciate light? why am i crying? i wonder how many ppl actually know that i have tears. i weep. i can feel sorrow. but the ppl around are alwaes showing off their perfection or anything good, or complaining about the bits and pieces of weakness. DOES ANYONE EVEN CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL? i caught the bus wif mim and lana ytd. i know they are my friends and are true to me. i feel sorry for not giving their present on wednesday but that is because the necklace i wanna give them broke. but i don't like it how they are alwaes mentioning about guys. i have no prejudice against guys.. it is just that i like hanging out wif girls because we can talk about more stuff. that is a girl's world. i just don't understand why ppl like showing off about their bf so much. i don't like the way they are alwaes pressurizing me. no one knows. no one would ever understand how much i am still trying to fit in. i alwaes enjoy when i m alone. because i don't have to put up a mask, i can be MYSELF. the self that doesn't have to be responsible for anyone. still raining outside heavily, making my heart seem even darker and heavier, but maybe becos i didn't really do well for my speech today. and tonight auntie aileen, laura, auntie hui sian, uncle lesley, their daughters deirdre and hannah would be coming over for steamboat. and i have to write my written exchange too. kindaff tired now. going for nap.
May God bless the weather, grant Christine the strength to carry on in OZ, God bless the many negative thoughts in the world and that ppl would not bottle them in their hearts for it to convert into negative behaviours...*i just have to vent it all out before i get depression* VENTED @ - 1.24pm
P.S: u guys have jay chou's song on their blog...(should know who u are) so i changed mine too. it is suppose to fit in with me feeling down today.